


Waiting for Nothing

by bigfatsalad



Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Aftermath, Angst, Camping, Horseback Riding, Hugs, Lies, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Moving On, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Post-Canon, Post-War, Protectiveness, Rare Pairings, Reunions, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Discovery, Self-Doubt, Slow Burn, Tags May Change, Travel, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, waiting for love that never happened
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2020-10-28 11:34:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 21,010
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20777894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bigfatsalad/pseuds/bigfatsalad
Summary: After the war's end, the Golden Deers branch off, and begin to do their own things. Among these things is marriage. Hilda devoted her heart to people who made promises to her: promises of love, promises to show her the world, promises of marriage. Yet, will these promises continue to hold true?





	1. A Bad Brew

**Author's Note:**

> So, hey guys! This is my first fanfic and well... I apologize if it's bad. I actually got the drive to write this after finishing the Golden Deer path, and realizing that I didn't get Hilda paired up. I wasn't sure how to pair people up at the time (next time for sure I'll get it right) so she just ended up alone and not with the person I wanted her to be with. I won't say who since it's spoilers, but you'll see. ;)
> 
> I thought it'd make for a great fanfic, so sit back and enjoy! (Also, feel free to criticize as it'd REALLY help me become a better writer in the future).

_ Tick tock, goes the clock. _

_ Clickety clack, it’s time to hit the sack. _

_ There’s always tomorrow, no need for sorrow. _

*

She sighed, realizing all too late that it was about time to close up shop. The ethereal moonlight streamed in through the shop’s windows, illuminating her work desk, which was all too covered in many bewitching necklaces and adorable earrings that weren’t even close to being finished. She figured she might have to hire help sooner or later, but not now, not when she was starting to have fun working. 

Hilda Valentine Goneril was what one would call a typical nobleman’s daughter; lazy, spoiled, and manipulative, with the promise of praise for a job well-done. It wasn’t like Hilda didn’t want to work, per se, it was more like she didn’t want to disappoint people from behind her brother, Holst’s, shadow. What was the point in trying, Hilda had thought, if I can never truly live up to my brother’s perfection?

After the war’s end however, Hilda had found something that even her brother wouldn’t be able to beat her at: crafting accessories. She remembered the day she told her father and brother about her decision to leave behind politics and create accessories: her dad smiled at her gently, nodding excessively and her brother… well, he cried uncontrollably, which embarrassed Hilda to no end. Holst had hugged her so tightly, she recalled not being able to breathe for a few seconds. Yet once he had at least some form of calmness, he offered to help her start her business, claiming that it was because he was so proud of her for starting to pursue her dreams. He probably said more, but Hilda tuned him out for talking too much.

_ Tick tock. _

Snapped out of her reminiscing by her constantly ticking clock, Hilda rose cautiously; any small movement would disrupt her meticulous placements and Goddess knows she’d cry if even one necklace or tool went askew. She blew out the light on her desk and drew her curtains closed. Tiptoeing to her office door, which was a safe distance from her desk, she brushed all the dust off of herself.

_ I used to hate getting dirty, _ she thought, _ but now, I’m proud of it. Proof of how hard I’ve worked and how far I’ve come. _

Hilda smiled to no one but herself and shut her door gingerly. Brushing her way past nearly-emptied accessory stands and tables, she hummed a tune she’d heard while out shopping for materials one day. 

“I’ll have to hire some help around here someday,” she murmured, her fingers barely grazing the top of a table, void of necklaces that were supposed to be there. “But… not yet. Not while I’m still waiting.”

*

Fódlan’s Locket, Hilda’s accessory shop, had been open for at least six months before it’d began to boom in popularity; at least a year after the war was won by the beloved professor and her _favorite_ Claude. She still had yet to hire any help with the store, insisting that she could do it by herself. However, it was now her second month of being popular, and her efforts were proving to not be enough. 

These days, Hilda found herself slaving away at her work desk in her office for hours after the shop closed for the day. She ran the front desk during the day, and made more accessories during the night just to be able to have more for tomorrow; a rigorous cycle that took more out of her than she originally thought it would. Most days, she wouldn’t even be able to return home or relax; she considered herself lucky to even get an hour of sleep.

Today was different though. Hilda had left Fódlan’s Locket earlier than she usually did, as excitement had been brewing inside of her for some time. She’d received a letter from Claude, the quick-witted, sly man with a shining smile and green, glinting eyes who had lead the Leicester Alliance at least two years ago; he was someone especially special to Hilda. 

In his letter, Claude wrote that he’d finally had some time open up in his schedule and that he had really wanted to use that free time to see Hilda. He mentioned something about needing to speak to her about something important. He didn’t specify what, but she was hoping it was what she thought it was. _ Maybe he’ll finally take me to go meet his parents, _she thought. She sighed contently as she flopped onto her bed; she hadn’t seen it in some time now.

“Claude,” she wondered, “why would you want to see little ol’ me tomorrow? Surely, you’d rather see the professor. Yet...” she smiled up at her ceiling. “... I’m sure it’s good news. Maybe you’ll invite me to see Almyra with you, meet your parents.” She sighed once more. “I guess I’ll have to see tomorrow then. After all, I closed my shop up tomorrow, for you.” And with those final words, she had snuck off into a blissful sleep, her dreams filled up with happiness involving Claude.

*

It was a good thing Hilda was barely at her own home as much, so cleaning wasn’t needed often. So when Claude, and unexpectedly, Professor Byleth had knocked on Hilda's door while she was still asleep, she was able to seat them in her small living room while she readied herself up in her bedroom upstairs. _ Professor and Claude _ both _ came to see me? _ Hilda thought. _ This must be something extremely serious then. It can’t be _ another _ war, can it? _Shivering at the thought, Hilda dressed herself cautiously.

Hilda ran down as fast as she could, greeting a smiling Claude and a glowing Professor.

“Hilda, it took you long enough!” Claude remarked. “With how long it was taking, we were wondering if maybe we should come back another time.” He nodded towards Byleth.

“I apologize, Hilda. We came at a bad time, didn’t we?” 

“No, no! Don’t worry about it, Professor.” Hilda giggled. “I should probably get some tea brewed up for you two, shouldn’t I?”

Byleth shook her head. “Please, allow me. I heard from around town that you’ve been working hard. Some say that sometimes, they never see you leave your store.” She smiled at her. “It’s the least I can do for how hard you’ve worked.”

“O-Oh.” Hilda stared, dumbfounded. “Well, if you insist! The kitchen is just that way. Thank you, Professor.”

Byleth nodded and made her way towards the kitchen, leaving Claude and Hilda alone. Seating herself across from Claude, Hilda decided to strike up a conversation.

“So… Claude.” She leaned forward in her seat. “How’re things going, _ King _ of Almyra?”

“Stop, you’re embarrassing me, Hilda.” He waved his hand dismissively at her. “I’m still not used to it, I guess. But it's nothing I can't handle.” He paused, staring at Hilda. “Hey, how’d you hear about that, anyways, with you being somewhat of a shut-in nowadays.” 

Dramatizing her offense, Hilda gasped loudly. “How _ dare _you? I’m not a shut-in, I just work really hard now. I pick up little tidbits whenever I go shopping. You’re pretty famous across Fódlan from what I can hear, you know?”

Claude just laughed. With an amused smile on his face, he said, “Oh yeah? What’re you up to these days then?”

“These days, I actually own my own accessory shop. Believe it or not, I run it all by myself, Claude.” She leaned back in her seat. “Are you proud of me or what?”

“I hate to admit it, but yeah. I’m pretty proud of you, Hilda. I didn’t know you were into making accessories, though.” He laughed, mostly at himself. “I’ve known you for years now, and somehow I didn’t know that.”

Hilda giggled. “Yeah, well you know now. Besides,” she whispered, “you’ll still have time to get to know me even better.”

“Oh yeah, you bet, Hilda.” Claude chuckled. “Anyways, enough catching up, I think. Teach and I actually wanted to stop by and pay you a _ very _important visit.”

“You actually didn’t mention that you’d be visiting with the Professor in your letter, Claude.”

“Oh, I didn’t? Silly me.” He paused, contemplation on his face. “No, I should wait till Teach is back in the room to tell you the news. I’m sure you’ll be happy to hear it though.” Content with his answer, he smiled that signature smile of his.

“Oh really? I’m on the edge of my seat now.” The two sat in comfortable silence, waiting for Byleth to come in with the tea.

*

“I apologize for being late. I suppose I’ve lost my touch for tea brewing, or something like that.” Byleth smiled as she started passing around the tea cups. As she handed a cup to Hilda, Hilda noticed the ring on her professor’s finger.

“Ooh~ Professor! Is that a ring I spot on your finger?” Hilda cooed. Byleth quickly snatched her hand back from Hilda, and thankfully, Hilda had already taken the cup. 

“No, it’s not.” Byleth replied as calm as she could, given the circumstances. Claude hid his face from the scene, but a tinge of red could be seen on his cheeks with close observation.

“There’s no need to hide it from me, Professor. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.” She giggled. “So… who’s the lucky guy? Go on~, take a seat.” Reluctantly, Byleth took a seat next to Claude, who was still having trouble calming himself down.

Relishing the piping hot tea, Hilda took a sip. _ Hot, just as tea should be, _ Hilda thought. _ I can’t remember the last time I had tea, to be honest. I should make some more often, especially on days when I stay overtime at the store, ugh. It'd make accessory making more bearable, at least. But... That would take more time and money though, more than I have. It _would_ be nice though. If only..._

“Hilda? Are you listening?”

“Hmm?”

“I said the lucky guy was me.”

Hilda almost choked on her tea, trying her best not to spit tea out at her guests. “W-what?”

Claude rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s actually what Teach and I came here to tell you about.” He put his hand over Byleth’s softly. “We’re getting married, Hilda.” _Please be some cruel joke. A scheme, even, to get me to work harder. _

Putting on her best fake smile, Hilda exclaimed, “_Wow! _ I’m _ so _ happy for you guys! Did you _ two _ tell anybody else yet?”

“No, we haven’t.” Byleth smiled. “We were planning to, but we wanted to tell you first.”

“Why would you tell little ol’ me first?” Hilda’s forced smile wanted to crack and crumble into tears, yet somehow it wouldn’t. 

“Well, you were my most trusted ally, always there by my side. Extremely helpful when you needed to be. Not to mention, Teach considered you one of her favorite students.” Claude chuckled. _ Stop laughing. Please, stop laughing. This... this isn't funny!_

“Well, I feel honored to be the first to know.” Hilda stretched her smile as far as it could go. “Was there anything else you needed to tell me? I actually have to hurry and take this ‘free day’ to catch up on my work.” _ Please, I need you to leave. I can’t bear to look anymore. It's just too much work!_

“Well, we were hoping you’d be our maid of honor? I know, it’s a lot to ask, with you being so busy and all but consid—”

“I’ll do it.” Hilda said flatly. _Just for you, Claude, __I’ll tear my heart out for the second time._ _Just for you, Claude._

“Really?” Claude stood up and brushed off his pants. “Well, alright! I’ll send you a letter in the near future. It’ll tell you all the details and whatever.” He grabbed Hilda’s hands and smiled at her. “I’m so stoked you’ll be a big part of my wedding, Hilda.” _ Let go of my hands. _

“Teach and I’ve got to get the word out to everyone else, and you've got to catch up on all your important stuff, so, we’d better get going. Thanks for letting us hang for a bit. We’ll see you later then!” They waved as they left her home, leaving Hilda alone to her sorrow.

Her mouth barely moved as she uttered, “See ya,” to no one but herself.


	2. Repeat Offender

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long to upload the second chapter guys! I went on school camping trip, then I had to make up all that work that I missed, plus with more incoming work, it got hectic. Hopefully, I can be forgiven with this. I also apologize with this chapter being so short and all. I hope you still enjoy it. Thank you for reading!

_ Tick tock, there goes the clock. _

_ There’s always tomorrow, no need for… _shut up! 

_ Waiting, waiting, oh why was I waiting? _

_ I guess I’m still that lazy girl, the one I thought I outgrew. _

_ So… why? Why did they promise all those nice things if they…? _Damn it all!

*

After being sure that those _ two _ were a safe distance from her house, Hilda shrieked; a war cry of grief. Throwing herself to the floor, tears streaming out of her eyes, her resolve had crumbled to ash. She slammed her fists hard against the ground, repeatedly and repeatedly, until she couldn’t even feel her palms. Snot oozed its way out of her nose, and tears rushed through like water from a broken dam. It wasn’t becoming of a noblewoman to throw herself down into a sniveling mess, she _ knew _that, yet she couldn’t control herself. Sobs wracked her body as she laid her face to the floor, as if in prayer. She found it hard to breathe with how much was pouring out of her.

Was it possible to tear her hair out, demolish her home, and run away, all at the same time? What else could she do, to repair this broken heart? The same heart that needed mending at least one year ago?

“Why?” she blubbered. “...W-why did you lead me on, Claude? You said you’d take me to meet your parents someday…! But now you’re marrying… the Professor?” She shrieked once more, slamming the floor mournfully. "How dare you say I was your 'most trusted ally' and Professor's 'most favorite student'? If I was, you two would _never_ have done this to me!" She stared at her shaking hands. “First, Lorenz and now… you?

“I-I can’t be the only one out of us who felt _ something _ …! You… you were looking at me as often as I was looking at you! You told me yourself!” Frustrated with this turn of events, Hilda pulled at her hair roughly. _ It’s all lies! Lies, lies, lies! _ “Why with all the flirting? Was it all in my head?”

She lifted her head towards the door. Sniffling, she cried, “But these tears are _ real _ , Claude! These aren’t crocodile tears, like with the camel story!” She paused, taking a moment to breathe shakily. “...B-but I guess your smiles with the Professor weren’t fake either.” She smiled wryly at the pathetic display that was herself. “I _ know _ I _ should _ be happy, b-but I _ can’t! _” Hanging her heavy head again gave her final tears approval to fall.

*

Hilda still knelt on her floor, hours after her final tears had fallen. There really was no reason to get up, the shop was closed today. 

“C’mon, get up.” Hilda mumbled flatly. The room remained silent, as Hilda hadn’t moved a bit. “Please. I think… I need to get to bed,” she said slowly. She still didn’t stir. “Can’t I rest my eyes for a bit?” Shouting at a wall, she vent out her feelings: “I’m tired of working for nothing! Please, I just want to rest my weary self!”

Softly, her legs lifted her off of the floor and towards her window. Drawing back blue curtains, the shining golden glow of the setting sun poured into her home. She forced a smile at the sight; she hadn’t seen a sunset in sometime. Hilda shut the curtains briskly. _ I still have time. _

Even though her body and soul ached, that pain was not going to deter her. Not right now; she’d gotten through tougher battles. She ran up her stairs as fast as her legs would take her. Opening the closet and throwing clothes upon clothes out of it took more effort than she was expecting, but at last, she found them: the last two axes she’d used in the war, pushed all the way to the back of her closet as a bad memory is pushed to the back of one’s head.

“Nice to see you two again,” Hilda said flatly. “I never thought I’d have to see you guys again,” she sighed, “but here we are.” The two axes, the Goneril relic, Freikugel, and a simple forged steel axe lovingly called “Loveater,” simply stared back at Hilda. 

“Oh, just come on.” She grasped the two axes firmly. “I swear I’m not rusty. I’ve got enough energy to swing you two around.” She sighed. “I just need to shatter those dummies so I don’t shatter the real ones.” She ran down the stairs, through her kitchen, and out back to her yard. Luckily, training dummies were left over from the _ last time _ she had to come back here.

*

Not even four months after the war, Hilda had received a letter, more like an invitation, really. She still remembered the stinging, rosy smell that still lingered on it as she peeled the Gloucester seal off of the envelope. Somehow, that spiting smell only intensified the sinking feeling in her stomach. Reading the first elegantly printed line of the letter only confirmed her worst fears:

_ The honor of your presence is requested at the marriage of _

_ Lorenz Hellman Gloucester and Marianne von Edmund. _

Hilda stared blankly at the letter as the sun continued its worldly travel. _Marianne, my best friend, and… Lorenz?_ _The same Lorenz that told me to wait until the war’s end for him to say the three magic words? To be married, to someone other than me?_

She shook her head, disbelief coloring every crease of her face. “Impossible. I probably read that wrong, yeah, that’s it. I’ll just re-read it.” Her desperate eyes scanned every measure of the invitation, to no avail. All they found, instead, was the heart-shattering request to be the Maid of Honor.

She couldn’t say no, after all. She had mulled over declining for so long, too, but ultimately, she couldn’t; how could Hilda ever ruin Marianne’s special day with her own regrets and angers? Marianne had nothing to do with her heart being torn out and stamped on the floor like a used rag; the fault here was Lorenz’s. 

Ugh, and she had made an exception to wait for him too, only to have him forget. All his adulation became broken promises, she supposed. She just wanted to swat that smug smirk off that she _ knew _ he was wearing! 

What happened next was just a blur to Hilda, as fleeting as last night’s dreams. The throwing of an invitation to the ground, the storming of her closet, the smashing of susceptible wood dummies and a noise complaint from the neighbors could have honestly been forgotten, if Hilda hadn’t left behind a wreck in the wake of her rampage as proof.

*

Sweat dribbled down her temple as she took great breaths, exhausted from the heavy, halving swings she took; breaking and replacing training dummies was no easy feat, you know? She brushed off the minimal drops with the back of her hand, dropping her axe, Loveater, to the dirt.

“Hah, that was _ exhausting _!” Hilda huffed, taking a seat on a stump from her log pile. She sat back, observing her work; lining the border between her yard and her neighbor’s was the accumulation of halved training dummies. Many dummies didn’t survive her wrath. Most of the mass was just splinters, at this point. Hilda dropped her face into her hands, groaning. “What the hell is wrong with me?” She raised her head to look at her beloved axes, obedient servants that had carried out her will.

“I should probably apologize to Mr. Polins about the noise…” Hilda shrugged. “Eh, I’ll do it tomorrow.” She rose from her seat, stretching her tired limbs. “I’ll do everything tomorrow.” She gave herself a hum of approval as she picked up Freikugel and Loveater and entered her ruined home.


	3. Reparations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter has been re-written from what was previously posted).

_ Tsk, tsk, tsk, who shattered the clock? _

_ Not I. Not I. Never would it be I. _

I did, because it sneered and mocked.

_ Tsk, tsk, tsk, how ever will time move on by? _

_ Now that the clock is shattered, _

_ the broken pieces will never cease their chatter. _

*

Sleep did not come easy for the troubled lady, who was stirring and groaning in her sleep as dreams most unwelcome plagued her mind. At times when these dreams became more than she could handle, she sat up in bed and sobbed until she felt better. This was the cycle for the night, it seemed.

These nightmares usually had her walking down a lengthy, ill-lit hall. While this was eerie enough, there was more to come. From the darkest reaches of the hallway, many lookalikes of the Professor and Claude squeezed themselves through the walls. Their faces were all contorted into an ugly sneer as their voices echoed and rang out all about. The uncharacteristic taunting was disturbing. Hilda’d just continue walking until she reached a door, which, when opened, drowned the dreary hall in a blindingly white light. The light disintegrated the unsettling posers.

Inside the intense room stood a smiling Claude. She’d go and greet him, only to be met with a barrage of crushing words, all said with a vile smile.

“I _ never _ loved you.”

“You’re a fool for ever thinking I’d _ marry _ you.”

“Someone as lazy as yourself could _ never _ be my wife.”

“What’d give you the crazy idea that I wanted to _ share _ my life with _ you _ ? You were only a pawn to me. A _ pathetic _ pawn.”

“_ I _ only have eyes for the Professor. She’s _ actually _ useful and important to me.”

“Hilda Valentine Goneril? What a joke.”

Usually the last line had her jolted up in bed in a cold sweat. Hilda couldn’t understand why being called a joke was the one that hurt her the most.

*

The lacking sleep did wonders to Hilda’s day. _ Another closed-shop day, _ she thought. _ Oh well, it’s a good thing that I don’t have to show up like _this. Her tired reflection staring back at her from her vanity seemed similar to Marianne and Bernadetta, before the war, with unkempt hair and heavy bags giving away the secret of a sleepless night.

She sighed, rubbing at the bags under her eyes. “I feel _ awful._” She tilted her chin cautiously, from side to side, searching for any unwanted blemishes, as was her routine. Frustratingly, there was nothing to poke at, push at, peel at, or pick at: she was in one of those stupors where she felt like clawing her skin off was her best solution to her problems. 

Hilda let her gaze fall towards her shaking hands. Whether they were shaking out of rage, sadness, _fear_, she couldn’t tell. She just knew that she had to stop herself quickly.

Settling on digging her nails into her hands instead, she declared, “Well, okay then! Let’s go get some tea brewed up then, shall we? After that, we’ll get freshened up. And then… I _ suppose _ we could go apologize to Mr. Polins about the noise,” she rolled her eyes, “again.” She descended her stairs with a hop and skip, however false it may have been.

*

“Whaddya want _ now _?” the grouchy voice of the next door neighbor bellowed. 

“H-hello, Mr. Polins!” she quaked. Hilda, normally a confident speaker on good days, just couldn’t seem to shake the fear out of her voice when it came to talking to Mr. Polins. Something about his permanent scowl and rumbling voice sent chills down her back. His age meant she couldn't flirt her problems away, as was per usual; he'd have none of it. “I just wanted to, uh, apologize! Yeah, for, um, yesterday. Heh, uh, you… you probably heard a _ whole _ lot of stuff that you didn’t, uh, want to.”

He crossed his arms. “Hmph, young people and their troubles.” Raising his voice enough to make Hilda flinch, he scolded, “I bet you have no idea how _ embarrassing _ it is to live next to the _ noble _ girl who can’t even keep her _ damned _ feelings in check. Hell, you _ better _ have a good explanation, and an even _ better _ apology for why _ my _ day was ruined because of _ your _outburst.”

Each harsh word was a blow to her facade. It took everything Hilda had to keep those tears from falling. “S-sorry, Mr. Polins. I just… people gotta release tension _some_ way.” Tittering as she bowed with her arms outstretched before her, she offered him a gift. “Please, accept this basket of goods as my apology!”

“Hmph, isn’t this the _ same _ thing that you got me _ last _time one of these outbursts happened?”

“Y-yes. That's not a problem, is it?"

This caught Mr. Polins off-guard. “...!" He opened his mouth to speak, but closed it. "Hmph, no. It'll do for now. Just as a warning for next time, as there's bound to be _another _outburst as long as you're my neighbor. You'll have to give me something different than the same old gift basket. Hell, even if the contents are a little bit different, I'll take it. Is that understood, Miss Goneril?"

“Yes, crystal clear. Thank you, I'll be on my way now.” 

*

"It'll take some time, Hilda," she spoke to herself, once she was back in the comfort of her own home. She was pacing around her living room, tea cup in hand. "You've gotten through one of these situations before on your own, you can do it again. It's not _so_ different than before." The frantic girl decided to seat herself upon her couch, attempting to calm her own frazzled nerves. "Yeah, it shouldn't be _that_ hard. Second time around, I'm a pro at this stuff!" A false smile was on her face as she sipped the tea from her cup. Lukewarm, bittersweet, refreshing mint tea went down her parched throat. It hit her unusually vacant heart like a wall. Hilda grimaced at the feeling, setting her cup down on the coffee table. 

"And yet... why does it feel more painful?"


	4. Well, What Now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This chapter has been drastically re-written).

_ Tick tock, the clock goes once again. _

_ Visibly battered, momentarily shattered, _

_ Tick tock, ticking against the cracks. _

_ Whom was it that put the broken pieces back? _

Who knows? Who knows? Who knows?

_ Tick tock, too bad. Still, there lies a visible break. _

_ What damages still lie within time's wake?_

*

A new dawn. Chirping birds spread their wings out in flight as the sun rose. Shadows dissipated, the new daylight shooing them away, at least until nighttime would fall again. If only that would happen to the shadows within Hilda's own heart.

The night treated Hilda significantly better than the night previous, however, it wasn't all sunshine and rainbows. She had laid in bed, mulling over why this heartbreak felt significantly worse than any others she had had before, including Lorenz. She had come to a jarring conclusion. Hilda had realized that Claude was her final option. Claude was the man she had put all her hopes into marrying, loving, and living with. Being one of his closest confidants, even before the war, she had no doubt in her mind that they'd be together always. Hilda had complete faith that, somehow, someway, the two would always be involved with one another. She had never expected that her _Professor_ of all people would take the one person who she considered her future away from her. 

Her feelings regarding Lorenz were different. She still felt _something_ for him, but it was barely anything compared to what she felt with Claude. Yes, Lorenz tried to treat her as a queen, even toiling over things a "noble of his status" wouldn't usually do. She liked that about him; he worked hard so she didn't have to. With Claude though, she felt more like his equal. She felt more relied on, as if her contributions, when she made them, were of value. She didn't feel useless or used around him. He saw through her facade as much as she saw through his; they couldn't hide anything from each other. That's what she thought, at least. She supposed that feeling of open security between one another was what made her fall for him, _hard_, in the first place.

Mulling over this revelation had made _some_ sort of difference, however large. It opened her eyes, opened her heart; it definitely didn't matter in the moment, but with time, it's impact, surely, would increase tenfold. She was sure of it. 

*

"Good morning, welcome to Fódlan's Locket! Not to be confused with the world-famous fort!" Hilda cheered at the sound of the bell ring from a visitor.

"How may I help?"

"Of course!"

"That'll be..."

"Here's what I'd recommend..."

"Well, considering your budget..."

"Allow me!"

"That suits you nicely!"

"You'll need the bracelet by this date?"

"I'll do my best!"

"This repair may take some time, but don't worry..."

"Thank you, come again!"

All of it was said with a plastered-on smile. 

It hadn't even been three days, and Hilda had already buried herself knee-high into her work once more. She figured that if _something_ had to get her mind off of _you know what_, she'd make it something productive. By submerging herself in the beauty of jewelry, she'd hope that it'd mask the own ugliness of her tattered heart; who wants a rag of a heart, anyways? After all, an attractive woman, such as herself, should not only be stunning on the outside, but also on the inside. Hilda still had to work on beautifying her soul, damaged as it was. She just needed... time. Time she couldn't stop, start, or rewind at will: the clock never stops ticking, especially for her.

*

"Uh, hello? Is anyone in?" a soft-spoken voice piped into the shop. Hilda looked up from the front counter; she hadn't had any customers for hours, and was considering closing up for the day. She rolled her eyes, sighing as she responded: "Yeah, come on in."

A man with tinted green hair and large round glasses gingerly stepped into the stop, alongside a young, striking blonde woman. "We're sorry to bother you, it's just, we've heard great things about you. And my fiancé here is a _big_ fan of yours."

"Well, I was thinking of closing up soon; you two came just in time I suppose." Hilda looked up from the necklace she was fiddling with. "What can I help you... with?" She stared at the couple before her. That man looked awfully familiar.

"Hey, Hilda."

Flabbergasted, she sputtered out, "Ignatz?"

He chuckled, putting a hand to his neck. "Yeah, that's me."

"No way! You're engaged?"

"Hehe, yeah." He moved to grab his fiancé's hand. "We intentionally didn't give you an invitation; it was going to be a surprise for when we came by."

"Wow! Congratulations!"

"Thanks." Ignatz pushed his glasses up. "Oh, I should probably introduce my fiancé. This is Maya."

"Maya?" Hilda turned to the young woman. "I feel like I've heard a name like that before."

"Maya Kirsten, glad to finally meet you, Hilda!" The woman rushed forward and gave Hilda a big old bear hug. "I've been waiting_ ages_ for this, ya know?"

"Y-you're... squEezing me!" she squeaked out.

"Oh, sorry!" Maya promptly released her. "I was just a bit excited, really."

"Whew, yeah, I could tell. Um, I'm sorry, but you'll have to give me a refresher on how you know me though? I'm sorry, it's probably been awhile."

Maya waved her off. "It's totally fine, I understand if you don't remember me. After all, we haven't really met until now." She hovered her hand over the necklace around her neck. "Hilda, take a good look at this necklace. Recognize any of it?"

Hilda squinted at it long and hard. It was a fine bit of work indeed, and it seemed old as hell too. Surprisingly, it seemed to be in a good condition, considering the circumstances. The flowers in it were probably handpicked from the highest of mountains. Whoever made it definitely put their hearts and souls into its creation. The necklace seemed hauntingly familiar as well, yet distant as ever.

"That looks like..." Hilda's eyes widened. "Did... did _I_ make that?"

Maya nodded her head furiously. "Uh huh! You and my big brother, both. I've always treasured it, you know?"

"Wait... so you're Raphael's sister! I can't believe after all these years—" Hilda gawked at Ignatz and Maya, switching her gaze from one to the other. "Wait a minute... You... and her..." She gasped dramatically, hissing, "You two are...!" Ignatz was slowly burning a bright shade of red.

"Y-yes, but we're not talking about that right now! Jewelry, yes jewelry, that! We are here for _that_, Hilda! Not to discuss my love life."

Hilda snickered, as Maya shook her head with a smile. Relenting, she laughed, "Fine, fine. Let me guess, you need something nice for the wedding?"

"If you could set us up with some recommendations?"

"It would be my pleasure." She waved them over to a table with a few selections of bangles and necklaces, all hand-made. "Here we have—"

"Hilda, I'm sorry to interrupt! But I have gotta tell you something first, before we get too engrossed in _this_!"

"Anything for my first fan," Hilda giggled. "Spill it, Maya."

"Well, you should visit some time. I'm sure my brother would love to see you, as would I. I'll even serve you up something _delicious_, at our inn!" Maya smiled.

Hilda considered it. "Hmm," she smiled, a real, true smile, "let's make it a date then. I'd love to."

"Awesome! When Iggy and I get back, I'll tell Raph _all_ about it. Come by whenever! Don't flake, okay?"

"Of course not." 

"Okay, Maya. Settle down a bit, and let's let Hilda help us a bit."

"Okay, Iggy..." she pouted. 

Ignatz chuckled. "Good girl."

**

Maybe, just maybe. Could this moment of smiling with an old friend and her first ever supporter be the first stitch to sew her heart back up? Those antics, somehow made her feel warmer. It seemed like the first time she'd truly felt a bit less numb in the last few days. Maybe it was possible, to get over the stone in her heart. Hilda just had to keep holding onto this moment, and look forward to the time she could feel it all over again. The freedom, the love, the warmth. She'd reach it again, eventually. With time, it would come. With time, she told herself, long after the couple left and she'd shut shop up. With time, she repeated as she drifted off into dreamless sleep. With time, with time, _with time_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I really wanted to have it out by Christmas, and so I worked really hard to have it out by then. Think of it as a Christmas gift from yours truly. Anyways, thanks for reading guys! Also, keep an eye out for my special Christmas fic coming soon! See you next year/decade!
> 
> (Note: Read my latest fanfic, "Silessian Winter"! Leave a kudos and comment on this story, if you enjoy it! It really helps me stay motivated to write the rest of this fic!)


	5. A Stamp for the Count

_ Time ticks, shoot your arrow _

_ Through my heart. _

_ Let loose your piercing shot, _

_ As piercing as your cunning gaze. _

_ The gaze that somehow, _

_ Always sees through my transparency, _

_ And my perfectly crafted lies. _

_ I find myself, _

_ Hating, yet yearning, _

_ For another taste _

_ Of those piercing eyes. _

_ But I know, _

_ Those beautiful eyes of yours _

_ Won’t ever stay with mine. _

_ The times we stood together, _

_ Will remain rooted to my mind _

_ In my own desperate fantasies. _

*

Weeks had passed. Hilda had spent most of her time at her accessory shop, Fódlan’s Locket, working to make up for the days she had spent— _ wasted _ — mourning over a man she should’ve been happy for. Who knew three days of inactivity would result in such a backflow of work? She mentally cursed herself. Maybe if she had hired some help, there might’ve been less to catch up. She’d make sure to put up a notice around _ somewhere _, when she had the time, of course. Catching up on work wasn’t necessarily a bad thing though. It served to keep her mind occupied for a significant amount of time. Fiddling with tools and toiling over little details required a great deal of focus, after all. 

Hilda had been trying her best to stay focused on recovering. The hours she spent at the shop definitely helped, but it also was not enough. Returning to her home was something she made a point to do from now on, as improving her work-life balance _ could _ possibly help her recover faster; Hilda didn’t see how burning herself out would help out either. She just found it to be a hassle, however. Without a distraction, though, all the bad thoughts she had always came flooding back in. Even her dreams themselves didn’t let her rest.

*

“Mail delivery for Ms. Goneril.”

“A letter? For me?” she squinted her eyes at the messenger. “From whom?”

“Sent from Count Gloucester. He informed me that this letter needed to be delivered to you with the utmost care, and your response must be sent back with the same care. It is suggested the letter is opened promptly, Ms. Goneril.”

She snatched the letter from the messenger’s hand. This was indeed a letter from House Glouscester; the crest-stamped seal proved otherwise.

“Ms. Goneril, is everything okay? Your face is scrunching up.” Hilda blinked her eyes.

“Yes, I’m perfectly fine. Give me a moment to read this.” She gestured towards her home. “Why don’t you come in and take a seat while I open the letter?” 

“Don’t mind if I do.” With brisk steps, the messenger entered her home. She gave a sigh of relief as she shut the door behind him.

*

Ugh, she could never get over the ugly perfume Lorenz made a point to spray on every letter he’d ever sent. Its scent was rather overbearing and attacked her every sense. Hilda fanned the letter in her doorway, hoping some of the awful smell would go away. _ Please, please, please don’t let this odor stay in my house. _

Her eyes skimmed through the letter. _ Presence requested… honorable House… blah blah blah. _ It looked just about the same as every letter she’d ever received from a noble. Ever. Boring, boring, boring! There was nothing worth mentioning, and Hilda definitely didn’t want to spend more time rummaging through this mess of words called a letter. Alas, the poor sap sitting on her couch needed a response, or she figured he’d be punished severely for not bringing one back. She sucked in a breath and continued reading. _ Blah, blah blah… informal meeting… _ Oh! That looked interesting! She reread that sentence.

_ This is, of course, an informal meeting to allow you _

_to meet the first heir to House Gloucester. We are _

_ aware of your friendship with Lady Gloucester, _

_ and, by her wishes, extend an invitation to you. _

Hilda blinked her eyes. And again. She reread the letter, this time with intense focus. Heir. An heir. _ Heir. First heir. _To House Gloucester. An heir, to House Gloucester. Lorenz and Marianne… they… 

She turned, ragged, and jogged up the stairs into her room.

The messenger stood hastily. “Ms. Goneril, where are you going?”

She tittered to him below, “O-oh, I’m just grabbing a paper and pen for my response! Give me a moment!”

“Uh, okay… I’ll just wait then.”

Hilda sighed a sigh of relief. She wasn’t _ exactly _ lying to him, after all. Rummaging through her drawers she found some stationery and a dull pencil. _ No use sharpening it _ , she thought. _ Especially for that rat bastard. _ She seated herself at her desk, shoving a few minor unessentials off for space. She scrambled to write _ something _ coherent, at least before she lost her cool. 

*

“Now, which to stamp?” She glossed over the two stamps she had. House Goneril’s stamp, proof of her nobility, lay knocked over on her desk; its crest faced her, almost begging her to use it. The other, which she used for business inquiries, was engraved with her shop’s logo; it stood proud on her desk, confident even. She didn’t even hesitate in plucking up Fódlan’s Locket’s stamp and pressing it down onto the cooling wax.

*

She skipped down the stairs, envelope in hand. With a giggle, she handed it to the messenger. 

“Your response is in this envelope?”

She nodded. “No peeking,” Hilda winked, “okay?”

With a bow, the messenger nodded. “Of course, m’lady. I will be swift in delivering it to Count Glouscester.”

She smiled. “I can only hope you have a safe journey back. I, as well, will prepare for the trip. But no need to wait for me. I have some business to settle first before I make the trip, tragically.”

“Ah, of course. Thank you once again, Ms. Goneril.”

“The pleasure is all mine.” With that, the messenger went off, letter in hand.

Hilda stifled a laugh. “If only I could see Lorenz’s face when he reads my letter. Oh well.” She shrugged and made a cup of tea. “I can’t wait to meet little baby Gloucester. Better yet, I can’t wait to congratulate Marianne!” She giggled to herself. “Who knew the girl had it in her⁓? I’m fairly proud of her, actually.” She sighed, “I really miss you, Marianne.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am truly sorry it took so long to post this, but I had to finish up my MYP Personal Project and things just got hectic from there. Writing the report and finishing up my product (a book), I was very burnt out of writing. With COVID-19 though, I've got plenty of time now to write, so expect there to be more updates. Thank you very much for reading my fan fictions, even though they're pretty mediocre. Stay safe out there!
> 
> (I re-wrote chapters 3 + 4 for this fic, so go back and reread them!)  
(Also, check out my newest fanfic, 'Silessian Winter,' if you're interested, since that was the Christmas special I had promsied last update!)


	6. Black Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sally forth!

_ Hey, hey. Do you remember the promise? _

The promise?

_ Yeah, the promise! You said… _

I said?

_ You said you’d stop relying on others, remember? _

I did?

_ You did! That’s what you told _ them _ at least. _

Them?

_ Yeah, them~! But what did you end up doing? _

What did I do?

_ What you did? You forgot already? _

Seems so. What did I forget?

_ You’re funny. Must I spell it out? _

You must.

_ You forgot to fight for yourself. _

How?

_ Don’t ask me! Ask all those you relied on, even after your promise. _

I see. So you mean…

_ Why, yes! That _ is _ what I mean! _

But how can that be? I took on a hard job and… 

_ But why did you? No one asked you to. _

Why? What do you mean “why”? I did it for… 

_ Ah, so you did it for them? _

No, that’s… 

_ True? _

No, that can’t be! I did it for me, didn’t I?

_ I’ll let you decide. Now, do me a favor, and stop deluding yourself. _

I’m not!

_ Look at the truth. _

The truth?

_ Yes, the truth. The certain truth that you broke our promise. _

Time just wasn’t in my favor, okay? It’s not my fault!

_ Save your excuses for someone who’ll believe them. _

They’re not excuses!

_ Whatever you say. _

_ Liar. _

*

_ Knock knock _. Hilda groaned at the sound. It was night out, foretold by the creeping shadows in her room. Who could that be knocking on her door? Reluctantly, she slugged herself out of bed. Disregarding her outward appearance, she shuffled down the stairs.

She rubbed the sleep out of her eyes as she opened her door. “Who is it?” Before her, stood a slender young man with green eyes and purple hair. He perked up as the door swung open.

“Ah, Ms. Hilda—” he started pleasantly. She slammed the door in his face hastily. Hilda face-palmed, thoughts running through her head. _ Shoot, what is he doing here? I’m not even dressed appropriately for this, at all! _ She quickly ran her fingers through her hair, then straightened out her nightgown.

“H-hey there, Ollie,” her voice quivered, as she opened the door again, “what brings you here?”

“Ah, my deepest apologies Ms. Hilda!” the boy bowed. “I know I came here at a very wrong time but… I was just getting nervous.”

“Nervous?”

“May I please come inside? It’s a bit chilly out here.”

“Uh, sure.” She led him into her living room and sat him down on the couch. Then she sat across from him on a stool, crossing one leg over the other. “So, what’s up?”

“Tomorrow, you’ll be leaving, right?”

Hilda nodded. “Yep, and it’ll be _ all _ up to you, Ollie, to keep the shop in tip-top shape.”

He shivered. “I know. But that’s the scary part! You’re believing in me so much, what if I fail you?”

She sighed. “Look, I wouldn’t have left you in charge if I didn’t believe in you. Neither would I have spent the time to train you if I didn’t sense potential in you.” Hilda shrugged nonchalantly. “Besides, you’re my apprentice now. Think of this being your first test.”

“…You believe in me?”

“Duh, silly. You really came over in the middle of the night to ask me _ that _?”

“N-no.” He paused, taking a deep breath. “W-well, what if they don’t like the accessories I make? My style is _ drastically _ different to yours, Ms. Hilda.”

“Then they’ll have to deal with it. If you do a great job while I’m gone, you’ll stick around and help me. Your style is unique and lovely, and I’m sure people would enjoy it. Why else would I choose you over the _ many _ applicants I received, Ollie?”

“I-I guess you’re right. I’m being paranoid for no reason.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “But won’t you be gone for a while?”

“Mm-hm. This is a hands-on experience, Ollie. Develop your work ethic as well as your handicraft skills while I’m gone. Think of it as a good thing,” Hilda winked, “okay?”

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I have to get back to bed. I need my beauty rest after all.”

“O-oh, right. Sorry, again, for waking you up in the middle of the night.” He cracked his fingers. “I’ll be leaving then. Uh, have a great trip tomorrow, Ms. Hilda!”

“Thank you, Ollie. Stay confident, and run the shop well. I believe in you, okay?”

“I will,” he said, as Hilda ushered him out the door.

*

_ Gah, that kid! He’s real sweet, but sometimes, he gets the dumbest ideas! Waking me up in the middle of the night when I already have to leave early enough, hmph _, Hilda thought as she settled back into bed.

It was a miracle that anyone actually responded to her “help wanted” ads. For the first few weeks she set it up, she didn’t get a single response. Just as she was thinking of taking them down, she received an applicant: Olyver Ichurr. It was a pleasant surprise, and timely enough to fit her schedule. Hilda had hired him on the spot without any reservations.

The poor guy was very nervous—afraid even— that he was too late to apply. Little did he know, he was the only applicant. It’s not like she needed to tell him that, though. If anything, it worked in her favor. Hilda set out to train him on how her store worked, and luckily for her, he was a fast learner. He wasn’t exactly the best at making accessories, but they had their own charm to them. They’d definitely have to grow on people, but they weren't the worst. She felt confident in leaving her beloved store to him while she left for “business.” 

Tomorrow, she’d be on her way to see her bestest of friends, along with her second-most hated person. She was looking forward to it regardless. It was the perfect chance to be _ extremely _ petty.

*

Groaning, Hilda clutched her lower back. She’d been on horseback for what seemed like hours now. Her ass was sore as hell. Everything happened to be riding up on her; wasn’t she supposed to be the one riding anyways? She didn’t remember horses being _ this _ uncomfortable. It was times like this that she regret rejecting the luxuries that nobility had to offer. A horse-drawn carriage sounded like pure bliss right now.

“If I remember correctly,” Hilda panted, “there should be an inn coming up soon. It can’t be that far away now, I think.” From the last time she checked her map, she was somewhere in between the Goneril and Gloucester territories. She’d made significant progress since then, however, there weren’t enough landmarks nearby to tell her where she was _ exactly _. It didn’t help that the sun was blaring down onto her, adding to her already delirious state.

She’d already gulped down all of her water, and was in desperate need of a refill. _ What a huge mistake, huh? _ Hilda had figured she’d be close enough to an inn by the time she ran out. How wrong she was. _ This inn _ better _ be damn good. I’ll die if it isn’t, lol. _

“Ugh,” she slumped against the horse, “this is awful. I’m _ so~ _ sweaty, it’s terrible. I feel like a pig!” The horse neighed. “See? You get it, horsie. I bet you’re tired too, huh?” It neighed again. “Don’t worry, honey, I’ll make sure you’ll get a nice, long rest at the inn too.” _ Neighhhhhh. _ “What’s that?” _ Neigh. _

She pushed herself up. “Is that the inn,” she squinted. In the distance was the faint outline of a building. The outside seemed to be painted a pastel yellow. _ Someone told me to look for a yellow building. This has to be it! _

“Come on, Mr. Horse!” Hilda spurred the horse with her boot. “This is the homestretch, we can make it!” The horse neighed as it started to gallop. “I hope this place has a bath or something. I can’t just go to sleep like this.”

*

After handing her horse off to the stablehand outside the inn, Hilda sauntered into the inn. She literally couldn’t walk, so a different stablehand had to assist her to the door. It was a rather embarrassing ordeal, one she’d rather never talk about.

“How may I help you, ma’am?” the desk clerk asked. 

“I’d, uh, like to check out a room. Please.”

“R-right. How many nights?”

“Two please.”

“Name?”

“Hilda Valentine Goneril. How much is the fare for two nights?”

“About 1,200 G, ma’am.”

“Only?” Hilda slid her hands into her purse and fished out 3,000 G in one swoop. “Here,” she said, handing the coins over. “Keep the extras.”

The clerk coughed. “A-are you sure?”

Hilda shrugged. “Yeah, it’s fine. I have more than enough to cover me.”

“Ah, y-yes, Ms. Goneril. If you insist.” She penciled the name into her log. “Your room will be 202. Here’s the key. Be sure to return it before you leave, Ms. Goneril.”

Hilda nodded to the clerk, and turned to leave. “Thank you.” She stopped in her tracks. “Wait, I have a question.”

“Yes, ma’am?”

“There doesn’t happen to be some sort of bathhouse around here, or anything?”

“We happen to have one around the back of the inn,” the clerk pointed towards a door to the right of the desk. “Currently, it’s the womens’ block, so you are more than welcome to go if you wish.”

“Hmm, don’t mind if I do then.” 

“Please enjoy your stay here at Kirsten Inn,” the clerk said, bowing. _I'm sure I will._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ngl, I'm starting to lose steam for this story. But I won't give up! I must deliver, for the people! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed the story. Be sure to leave a like and/or comment, it really helps me find the motivation to keep writing. Thank you, once again for supporting my work. Until next time my friends, don't be a lame square!


	7. Knock First!

_ Hey, there’s no way. _

_ No way. _

_ Why the hell am I putting on a smile? _

_ I don’t feel good. _

_ So why am I pretending I am? _

_ Is it for me, _

_ Or is it for someone else? _

_ I’m actually not sure anymore. _

_ This isn’t reasonable, _

_ But then again, I suppose _

_ It doesn’t have to be. _

_ I sorely wish it was though. _

_ That way, _

_ I can save myself the suffering, _

_ And the pain. _

*

The bathhouse wasn’t anything special, really. There were two changing rooms beside the partition leading to the bath, and a tired-looking clerk behind the front desk. She could feel the steam of the bath sticking to her skin already. _ It must’ve started heating a while ago _, she thought. 

“Hello there!” Hilda greeted. “_ This _ is the bathhouse here, right?”

The clerk nodded. “Yeah. Currently, no one’s in, so you’ll have the place to yourself if you wanna go in. Or something.” He adjusted his foggy glasses. “Ladies’ block right now.”

“Ooh, really? Don’t mind if I do then!”

Yawning, the clerk lazily pointed at a changing room. “There’ll be a fresh robe in there. Change into it and go in.” 

She nodded and made her way to the room.

*

“Huh.” Hilda shuffled into the space—more like a small closet, really— which was surprisingly clean and odor-free. From the few beaches she’d gone to, she learnt that it can get _ pretty _nasty in changing rooms. Already, this small inn had her captivated. Definitely worth writing Holst about.

She quickly peeled off her damp clothes, in favor of a robe that hung from a hanger in front of her. The robe was brown—definitely not her color— and the edges were laced with yellow, embroidered swirls. She felt it was a bit _ too _ fancy for a road-side inn, but she wasn’t going to complain. It was rather soft, after all, as if she was being engulfed by clouds. 

Hilda did encounter one _ slight _ problem with the robe, however. It seemed a tad bit… small for her. She tried her best to tie the robe shut, but it was struggling to accommodate her… large personality. On top of that, it was a bit too short for her; if she were to bend down, she’d be arrested for manslaughter. She considered going out to ask for another robe, but that would be more embarrassing than actually going out there like _ this. _

So, with her cheeks sucked in, she left the changing room, clothes in hand.

*

“So, Mr. Clerk, where exactly would I put _ these _?”

His eyes seemed to be glued to her chest. He shakily raised a finger to point towards some lockers near the back. “O-over there… m-ma’am.”

_ Gross. _ “Thank you,” she said curtly. Then, she turned on her heel with a huff, and shoved her clothes into a locker hastily. _ Ugh _ , she groaned, _ what a pervert. I’m _ definitely _ telling Holst about this. At least it’ll make for a fun story. _

Peeling back the partition, Hilda was greeted with a blast of steam. For a bath that had no occupants, it was rather heated. She shrugged as she shuffled further into the room. A rack of buckets to the left of her had the sign, ‘Use me!’ attached to it. For what she should use them for, she was unsure, but she still took one anyways. To her right were a few hangers attached to the wall, presumably used to hang up robes or towels while in the bath.

No matter how hard she pulled at the sleeves of the robe, they just wouldn’t come loose. Grunting as she twisted and turned in the robe, somehow she managed to get one sleeve off. With one gone, the rest was a cakewalk. Hilda slipped the robe off, hanging it lightly on a hanger, before she gingerly stepped into the lukewarm water. It could’ve been warmer, but it wasn’t bad_ . _ She continued walking into the water until she was shoulder-deep in the water. 

It didn’t particularly smell like anything, and the water seemed to be clean enough. She slowly lifted a dripping hand to take out a ponytail. Hilda sighed, relieved, as the stinging pull from her hair band was instantly alleviated. It had felt like she was carrying that weight all day, and she was eager to be rid of it all. She leant against the wall of the bath, closing her eyes as she let the warm water soak into her tired muscles.

“Oh boy, this is _ the _life!” she exclaimed. Her words echoed around the room, reminding her of the emptiness of the bath. “Oh, that’s right. I have this place to myself, huh?” She smiled to herself. “Let’s hope it stays that way.”

*

“…excited! Come on!” 

“H-Hold on! I’m coming!”

Hilda snapped her eyes open at the voices, increasing in volume as they approached. She lifted her hands out of the water, which had long gone cold. Her fingers were pruny, like her old nanny’s. Had she fallen asleep in here, perhaps? 

Footsteps were echoing louder and louder the closer they got. It was time to get out, she decided. She’d spent enough time soaking in the water by now, that much was obvious. Plus, with how long she’d spent there, the womens’ block was surely over. Reluctantly, she lifted herself out of the water. Her legs buckled underneath her, as they were struggling to wake themselves up.

_ Step, step, step. _ She stumbled out of the bath with a splash, falling onto her hands and knees. “Oof!” _ Step. Step. Step. _A shiver went down her spine, the water dripping off of her body onto the cold floor. 

“Erm… is that?” a voice, unsteady with confusion, but rich in its low tones, spoke. Groaning, Hilda turned her head to it. Starting at their bare feet, her eyes wandered up to their torso, wide and still wrapped in a complementary brown robe. When she finally settled on their face, they looked frozen in shock, with their mouth agape and an arched eyebrow. He looked familiar somehow, with his broad face and blonde, mulleted hair that seemed to stick to his neck… but she couldn’t place where she knew him from.

Her first instinct was to scream. Scrambling to stand, Hilda snatched the bucket from the floor and threw it at the intruder. He grunted as it hit him straight in the face. Stammering out many apologies, he tried backing away while holding his face. “Don’t just _ stand _ there,” she shrieked, “Go, go, GO!”

He ran back out in a huff, leaving Hilda alone in the bath once again. She sighed, as she struggled to calm her nerves. Shaking off the remaining water from her hair, as well as the remaining adrenaline, she tied the robe up as best to her abilities and left. That was enough relaxing for now.

*

Now that she was dressed, and clean, she returned to her room for the night. The inn was offering dinner, but she decided to pass; the day’s events still had her shaken up. She needed to rest her tired body as soon as possible. Flopping down onto the bed, she felt every sore muscle in her body groan in agony. The pain radiated down from her shoulders, to her lower back, and then to her calves. Hilda hadn’t felt this exhausted ever since the second Battle at Gronder Field. 

She sighed, trailing a hand across her stomach and up to her right rib. Her injury had since healed up, but the scar would be a constant reminder of how close she was to dying that day. If Raphael and Ignatz hadn’t been right there, she could've easily lost her life on that battlefield. For that, she will always be thankful.

Three knocks on her door. “Room Service.” Groaning, she sat up. She didn’t recall calling room service, she wasn’t even aware this inn _ had _ room service! 

“I didn’t—” Hilda cleared her voice, trying to hide the exhaustion from it, “er, um, I didn’t call room service!”

“It’s, uh… on the house. To make up for what had happened… earlier today in the bathhouse.” 

She grumbled at the mention of that place. Crabbily, she snapped, “Can’t you come back at a different time?”

“… This is a one-time offer, ma’am.”

Rolling her eyes, she sunk back onto the bed. “The door’s open,” she sighed, “you can come on in.” Sheepishly, she added, “I’m a bit too tired to get the door right now, sorry.”

The inn employee silently walked into her room, a silver tray in her hands. It seemed to carry an assortment of fruits, namely citrus, all sliced and arranged in a swirl. Placing the tray on the bedside table, she bowed politely. “The innkeepers will be down to your room shortly to apologize, Ms. Goneril,” she told her softly. “I’ll take my leave now.”

“The innkeepers themselves?” Hilda bolted up with a grunt. Waving her hands in disapproval, she frantically stammered out: “Oh no, please! It’s perfectly fine! Tell them it’s no problem!”

She whispered, “…I can try, ma’am,” before exiting the room.

“Oh crap.”

*

Despite being in pain, Hilda tried her best to make herself presentable. After all, if the innkeepers _ themselves _ were coming down to her room, she had to at least look professional. Guilt rang like a bell in the back of her mind, but she reassured herself that everything would be fine. Fingers crossed that the innkeepers would be nice enough to let her stay, regardless of the ‘incident.’

Hearing the door start to creak open, she quickly scrambled to sit on her bed, crossing her legs one atop the other. Walking in, was a young woman, with bobbed, blonde hair, broad shoulders, and a stern expression. She looked familiar too, somehow. Hilda gulped as she sat down on a chair across from her. Rigid and tall. 

“So, _ Miss _ Goneril,” the woman began, “I’d like to apologize for the trouble you had in the bathhouse today.” Her face had a wry expression on it as she continued. “Had I known you were coming, I would have set aside special preparations for you in advance.”

“Oh! It’s no problem, really.” She flashed a smile at her. “I’m over it already. Though,” Hilda put a finger to her chin, “I feel as if I’ve met you somewhere before.”

“Is that so?” There was a twinkle in the innkeeper’s eyes. “Allow me to introduce myself to you. Or rather, _ re _-introduce myself.” The woman extended a hand out to her. Hilda took her hand and shook it. “My name is Maya Kirsten. Welcome to the Kirsten Inn, Hilda.”

Her eyes widened, as she exclaimed, “Maya?”

Maya nodded and smiled as she sat back down. “Uh huh.” She let out a relieved breath, as she slouched in her seat. “Oh boy, I got a kick out of messing with you, Hilda.”

“You’re like a _ completely _different person, Maya! I almost didn’t recognize you!”

Maya laughed heartily. “Yeah, I get that a lot. Raph was really surprised when he came home, for the first time in forever, that he almost passed out.”

Hilda ran her hands over the sheets of the bed. “It’s a nice, quaint inn. It has a certain charm to it. Like a home.”

“I’m glad to hear you say that, Hilda!” Maya smiled. “It’s what I’ve been trying to go for all these years. So that when Raph _ does _ get the chance to come home, he’ll be able to be more comfortable about being so far away.”

Hilda leaned over to the tray on her bedside. Plucking up a slice of orange, she popped it into her mouth. “Where is Raphael anyway, these days?”

“He’s a knight for House Goneril, actually.”

She almost choked on her orange. Spluttering, she exclaimed, “He’s a what?”

Maya nodded, standing to pat Hilda on the back. “Yeah, he swore an oath to House Goneril. I thought you knew that?”

“No way! I had left to pursue accessory making; I had _ no _ idea about this!” She felt heat pool in the tips of her ears, as well as her heart. “I’m just mad that neither Holst _ or _ Raphael told me! Ugh!” She sighed to try and get that feeling out of her system; it was only slightly alleviated. “A-Anyways, will he be back anytime soon? I wanna make sure I get to say hello to him sometime during this trip.”

Maya shifted her eyes to the door, a devious smirk on her face. “W-well, actually… you kind of threw a bath bucket at his face today?”

“I— what?”

“Raph! Come on in, now!”

“Huh??” Slowly cracking the door open, a man peeked into the room.

“There’s no buckets this time around, right?” he asked sheepishly. Hilda’s mouth was agape as Maya shook her head and pulled him into the room.

“Don’t be silly, Raph! I’m sure Hilda didn’t mean to, right?”

He had a bandage across the bridge of his nose, and his forehead looked to be slightly bruised too. The guilty bells were not just ringing in the back of her mind now; they were ringing inside her chest, too. 

Raphael noticed her staring at his bandages. “Oh these? Don’t worry about them,” he chuckled. “I should’ve asked the guy at the desk if the bath was unoccupied before going in there.”

Hilda couldn’t stop staring at his face though. It seemed to glow with… pride? Strength? Confidence? She couldn’t place it, but he seemed so much more different than the man she’d fought alongside for years. She blinked her eyes, trying to gain her composure back.

“I’m sorry, I _ really _ didn’t mean to hit you that hard. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. That hit _ did _ make my nose start bleeding, though, but it’s nothing Maya can’t fix.”

Hilda sighed a sigh of relief. “Phew, I’m glad. Sorry, again.”

“Don’t worry about i—”

“Hey, Raph,” Maya interrupted, patting his arm, “I’ll let you guys catch up.” Waving goodbye to Hilda and Raphael, she said, “See you guys tomorrow!” before leaving the room, and closing the door softly. The two were left with a slight awkwardness in the air between them.

“So," she cleared her throat, "Maya tells me you took up knighthood? At House Goneril, no less. How’s that going?”

“It’s going great! I really love it there! Though,” his voice softened, “I do get homesick sometimes." She stared at him; the gentleness in his voice was a rarity, one that she'd only ever seen whenever he spoke about Maya. _He really loves his family._ His voice returned to it's normal brightness after realizing Hilda was concerned. "But that’s okay! I get to come back to this nice inn every once in a while, and that’s enough for me, right now.”

“Is that why you’re back now?”

He shook his head. “Nah, I got this fancy letter from Lorenz. Something about showing up to his estate to see his baby, or the likes. Thought I’d stop by here while I’m on my way.”

“You got that letter, too?” Hilda felt her eye twitch at the mention of it. It had slipped her mind that she left for the same exact reason. “I’m heading there myself. Though, riding is _ way _ more tiring that I remember it being,” she groaned.

“Well, hey! Whaddya say we go there together?”

“Well…”

“We’re going to the same place, so it’d be better to travel as a group. We can watch each other’s backs!” He beamed, adding, “It would kinda be like old times!”

_ Old times_. She wasn’t sure if she’d like to relieve those times, or live the way she was now. Back then, things were simpler, but now… she couldn’t look at anyone the same. Her professor, Marianne, _ Claude_. They all felt like strangers now. Now that everything was said and done with, where was her place with them anyways? All of them had their own plans, futures, aspirations.

_ Dinggggg. Dinggggg. Dinggggg. _The belltower of guilt was ringing again. Why’d she have to be so selfish? 

“So, whaddya say, Hilda?” She snapped out of her thoughts, blinking at a Raphael who was still waiting on her answer.

Looking at Raphael’s shining, smiling face though, how could she say no?

“Yeah!” she cheered. “Just like old times, but… more _ fun _!”

He fisted the air. “Awesome!” He bellowed in laughter. “You’re staying here another night, right? Let’s leave after that, okay?”

Hilda nodded, flashing him her brightest smile. “That sounds good to me!”

_ Dammit. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so uh, I kinda owe an apology? remember when I said I'd upload more because of this whole pandemic? yeah, so that was a lie and I'd like to apologize. finding the motivation to write this story is a struggle, as I have a lot of projects i'd rather write. Though, i'm not giving up just yet... this fanfic WILL. BE. COMPLETED! 
> 
> Thank you for reading and supporting my works! ^^  
Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed it!  
Until next time... ESSAYONS!


	8. Maybe

_ The power to rewind time, _

_ Do I want it, or _

_ Do I not? _

_ The divine power, _

_ To move back the clock’s hands. _

_ To when _

_ My heart still pulsed and beat, _

_ With such melting heat, _

_ That made me feel _

_ So complete. _

_ Do I want it, or _

_ Do I not? _

*

The inn was quaint, secure, homey. It was no wonder she found it easy to rest her head and drift off to sleep, maybe even more so than her own home. After wishing Raphael a goodnight, Hilda had found she had no more energy to spare, knocking out as soon as she heard the door click shut. However, she couldn’t avoid her dreams as much as she’d like. The golden times of the Officers’ Academy were the subject of tonight. 

Her memories of the monastery were always so bright. The grass was always beautifully green, and fluffy to the touch; picnics with friends were always the best. The gardens were well-kept and inviting, a perfect spot for a date, in her opinion. And the skies. They were peppered with fliers-in-training; the distant flap of their wings was always a comforting sound. Hilda didn’t like to admit it, but she had often found herself watching them soar in the skies, wondering in awe of how someone could fight being so high up.

Fighting had always been fun to her, even if it was tiring. The thrilling rush of adrenaline she got whenever she stepped onto a battlefield was addicting. The Professor knew this, she was sure of it, but she wasn’t going to admit how much she craved battle; it wouldn’t look good for her ‘delicate flower’ shtick. People relied on her. She’d never known that that feeling could fill her heart with such warmth. The attention and trust must’ve gotten to her head at some point. Maybe that’s why, when Edelgard had declared war, she didn’t find herself to be as scared as she should’ve been. 

For once in her life, though, the flapping of pegasus wings overhead terrified her. Allies were slain left and right the day of the siege; no one could predict when a flier would swoop down and attack. All that confidence Hilda had spent time building was all blown away as soon as she stepped onto the field. Her hands shook as she tried to calm her quivering knees. The adrenaline running through her veins wasn’t one of excitement or thrill. It was of pure fear and dread. Her cockiness had no place in this battle, she realized. Focus and perception was the only way. She couldn’t help but worry about her friends, however, as she fought her way through battle after bloody battle.

That day would always be a permanent scar in her memory. The screams. The countless amount of bodies that littered the monastery grounds. The bitter smell of ash in the air mingling with a tinge of the spilled blood. It seemed as if the earth couldn’t hold anymore blood, slowly seeping it into the weeping sky; burning red was the color she recalled. None of it could truly leave her memory, no matter how hard she’d suppress it.

Hilda jolted up in bed, covered in a cold sweat. Panting, she tried to calm her nerves. “It was… hah… It was just that…” she rubbed her forehead. “…dream again.”

*

Despite the nightmare, she’d slept better than she had in a long time. The beds felt as if she was sleeping among the clouds, being enveloped with an intense amount of fluffiness. Yawning with a stretch, she scratched her head, rising from the bed. 

“Time to get ready, then!”

*

Hilda lugged out a bucket filled with her dirtied, damp clothing. Resting it on her hip, she rang up the front desk.

“Yes, Ms. Goneril?” the clerk said tiredly.

“Is there anywhere for me to wash my clothes?” she gestured to the bucket, idly swaying her hips.

“Outside, near the stables. There’s a pump of water,” the clerk yawned, pointing outside. “There might be some soap around too.”

She covered her mouth with her free hand, giggling extra lady-like. “Thank you!” 

*

She was used to doing her own chores by now; it was like second nature to her. Though, in all honesty, Hilda had no clue what to do when she’d first moved out. Experimenting and observing her neighbors bore fruit, but none of that could have prepared her for the actual process. It was as if she was scraping her nails to dust as she worked. It opened her eyes to a new-found appreciation of the maids and servants that had served her for so long.

“This is the pump, huh?” She ran her fingers over the old thing. It wasn’t a definitive color, with bits and pieces of chipping, blue paint revealed the iron underneath. There was a slight rust to the metal, but she shrugged it off. _ Should be fine for clothes. _

Hilda dropped the bucket to the floor, below the pump’s spout. Tentatively, she gave the handle a pump. Nothing. Shrugging, she gave it a few more pumps. _ Pump. Pump. Pump. Pump! _ Water began to gush into the bucket, as she continued pumping. When it was full, she sighed, reaching down to drag it to a nearby seat.

No soap, she noted. Luckily, her intuition had saved her the extra trip. She whipped out a bar of soap, plopping it into the water. Lifting a blouse from the water, she lathered the soap all over it. Rubbing and kneading the material, working to get the soap into every little crevice, then rinse and repeat; the work was forming a bead of sweat on her brow. The sun was blaring high in the sky now. It’d be some time until it’d sink down again.

“Phew,” she exhaled, wiping her brow with the back of her hand, “this might take me all day!”

*

“Howdy there, Hilda!” Hilda squinted up at the voice, only to see Maya, holding up a pale green parasol. The young girl flashed her a bright smile as she crouched down to Hilda’s level, holding the parasol over their heads. “How’s it going out here?”

“It’s alright,” she sighed. “Really~ hot though.”

“Need some help?” Maya offered. “It’d be quicker with the two of us.”

Hilda giggled appreciatively. “Thank you so much, Maya.”

“No problem,” she said, while planting the parasol in the ground to provide them some cooling shade. “It’s the least I can do, after all.” She grabbed another bucket, filling it with water, before sitting next to Hilda. “Hand me a few,” she said, gesturing to Hilda’s bucket. Hilda snatched up a handful of clothing from the bucket and passed it to Maya.

“Here.”

“Oh, boy,” Maya whistled. “It’s a good thing I came around, huh? If I didn’t, you might’ve been here all day,” she chuckled, “passed out even.”

“I didn’t realize how much I actually wear until now,” Hilda muttered absent-mindedly. “It’s really a hassle.”

“I can’t imagine.” The conversation was at a stand-still, as both girls concentrated all their efforts into scrubbing. The silence wasn’t bad, per se… but it made the hairs on her neck stand on edge.

To counter the silence, Hilda began to hum as she washed. “Hm-hmm-hm-hm~ Hm-hmm-hm-hm. Hm-hm-hm-hmmm.” Maya turned to her, eyes blown up in surprise.

“Hilda…?” she drew out slowly. “W-where’d you hear that song from?”

“Hmm?” She turned to stare at the girl. “Uh, I think I heard it from…” Hilda scrunched her face in frustration. “Hmm, that’s strange. I don’t really remember.”

“Oh… that’s a shame.” Maya moaned dejectedly, as she turned back to dipping a blouse in the water. “I just thought that I’d heard it before.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, Raph used to hum something like that to me all the time whenever I got scared or missed our parents.”

Hilda cringed at the mention. “O-Oh, that’s right.” She awkwardly turned back to washing. “I’m sorry,” she apologized, “if it reminded you of something bad.”

Maya shook her head. “No, it’s okay.” A fond smile spread on her face. “I’m just glad to have heard it again.” 

“That song must be really important to you, huh?”

“Yeah, it’s a tradition in our family, to pass it along. It’s always helped me get through some tough times, even when Raph couldn’t be here _ personally _ to calm me down. The letters he wrote, and the necklace you guys made for me. They gave me hope.” Hilda saw that her eyes were misty. _ Are letters really that important to someone? I… suppose so. _

The younger girl cleared her throat. “Anyways,” Maya winked at Hilda, mischievously. “Wanna know something about the song?”

“Uh… Sure! I’d love to.”

Giggling, she attempted to make the story spooky, lowering her voice to a raspy hiss. “The legend around here is,” Maya whispered, leaning closer to Hilda, “that this tune is always given to one’s true love. It has the power to calm any tortured soul.” 

Hilda stifled an amused giggle. “Oh, Maya. Urban legends are all fun and games, but they really shouldn’t be taken as _ fact _. Besides,” she added, “‘given to one’s true love?’ What does that even mean?”

“W-well, to be frank,” Maya scratched her head, “I’m not too sure. Granpa always told us that it meant that a person can only learn how to hum the song if the love of their life teaches it to them.”

Hilda raised a quizzical eyebrow. “That’s really sweet, but… Why would _ I _ even know it then?”

Maya shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe Raph taught it to you?”

“I don’t know, Maya,” Hilda said, unsure. “I’m pretty sure I would’ve remembered something like that…” She shook her head. “Besides, why would he even teach it to me anyways?”

“Maybe you were panicking over something and he did it to calm you down? Or…” she grinned deviously. “Or—”

“Oh no, you don’t!” Hilda raised a soapy finger to point at her. “Don’t even _ say _ it.”

“Say what?” she teased. Hilda stared at her, a tad bit horrified. “Er, um…” Maya cleared her throat upon seeing her face. “It’s always a possibility.” She shrugged carelessly. “Though, if it was true, I’d be a little mad at Raph for never telling me.”

“Oh come on, Maya,” she giggled nervously. “I’m sure you’re reading too much into this. We’re just… friends!”

“Maybe…” Maya pouted, groaning. 

“Cheer up! I _ will _ admit, you had me for a second.”

*

By the time the two had finished washing up and packing for Hilda’s trip, it was already nightfall. Too late to go anywhere, and too tired to even lift her arms, she dropped atop her bed, face-down, as if boulders were tied to her back. Groaning, she rolled onto her back, looking up at the ceiling. One thought kept spinning around and around in her head: how had she known that song?

She probably should’ve taken everything Maya said about this supposed “legend” as just a playful tease, but something kept bothering her. Something about Maya that had merit about how special the song was; her shocked expression when she’d heard Hilda humming it. Her reaction was too sudden to be fake. Too _ natural _ to be a joke. It left her wondering: Where _ had _ she learned it?

*

As soon as she’d woken up the next morning, she set to work preparing her supplies for her horse. Spending half of the day in a stable wasn’t in her best interests, as it smelled terribly of manure and hay and… _ horse _. It was a good thing she’d eaten a small breakfast; any bigger and she might’ve thrown it all up as soon as she walked in.

Patting her horse’s saddle, Hilda greeted it. “Nice to see you again!” The horse neighed in response. “I’ll be bringing along a friend to travel with us. Does that make you feel any better, sweetie?” _ Neighh. _

Behind her, she heard a hearty chuckle. “You ready to go, Hilda?” She turned to see… 

“Oh, Raphael!” She flashed him a cutesy smile. “Yep! Just about!”

“All right! I’m ready too!” He laughed even harder. “This is gonna be so much fun! Can’t wait to see everyone again!”

_Everyone?_ _Everyone?! _She blinked her eyes, once, twice. _He probably only meant… Lorenz and Marianne. That’s… right._ “R-right!” Hilda smiled through clenched teeth. With her best cheerful voice, she squeezed out, “I’m… looking forward to it!”

*

The two spent the day riding in silence; silence that was comfortable to Raphael, but awkward for Hilda. She hadn’t talked to him for a few years, not to mention the fact of that… song. She couldn’t even _ think _ while she was around him, let alone carry a conversation with him. Small talk could only last so long, after all. Luckily enough, for her, Raphael was content on riding quietly as the sun dipped lower and lower in the sky.

That isn’t to say Hilda wasn’t feeling guilty though. He was one of her closest allies, saving her time and time again on the battlefield and becoming one of her closest confidants, and to just… not talk to him made her feel awful. It made her skin crawl with the feeling of a demon’s nails scraping all over her; a most undesirable feeling of dread. But she couldn’t summon up the courage to speak, or even look at him. She supposed years of inactivity made her feel like a wall was put up between them.

_ Years. How did I… let them escape me for years? _ Hilda grimaced at the thought. She mentally berated herself. _ Stupid, stupid, stupid! I let so many people out of my hands, like an utter fool. I have no one to blame but… myself. _

“Yo! Hilda? You okay back there?”

Surprised, she sniffed back a tear she didn’t know was falling. “O-Oh, nothing! I’m… fine.”

“Hmm.” Raphael brought his horse to a stop, startling her. _ Please don’t turn around. _ “I think we should set up a camp. It’s getting too dark, too fast.”

She blinked her eyes. “Camp? But,” she protested, “isn’t there an inn anywhere nearby?”

He shook his head. “There’s none along this route, besides Maya’s, but we just came from there.”

“Are you serious?” she groaned. “T-this is…”

“I promise, it’s not that bad!” he assured, hopping off of the saddle. Planting his hands on his hips, he observed the area. The plains were just that: plain, with small clearings of trees and brush occasionally scattered throughout. Squinting his eyes, he spotted one such clearing not too far from them. He pointed: “Hey, this spot isn’t too bad actually; there’s some wood stuff right there!”

“A forest, you mean, right?”

Raphael scratched the side of his head with a finger. “I guess? It’s _ way _ too small to be a forest though, so like… what do I call it?”

“Er… nevermind,” Hilda rolled her eyes. “Look, we still have daylight. We could probably make it if we pushed for it! I don’t understand why we have to stop?”

“Well… Aren’t you hungry? Or tried? I know I am.” He clutched his stomach as it growled, loud like a lion’s roar. “And besides,” he pat the top of the saddle, “I’m sure these horseys would like a little rest, too.”

“Rest will only slow us down! I’m not even hungry eith—” _ Grrumble. _ Her cheeks flushed pink with embarrassment, as she mentally crossed her fingers that Raphael didn’t hear anything.

He raised his eyebrow with an amused smile on his face. “Your stomach’s growling too, though.” He grasped the reins of his horse, beginning to lead it further into the clearing of trees. “Come on, Hilda. Let’s set up camp.”

“…Fine.” Reluctantly, she jumped off and followed behind as well.

“Let’s tie them up here,” Raphael said, gesturing to a sturdy looking tree. “Here,” he offered a hand, “I’ll tie yours up too.” Silently, she dropped the reins into his open hand, crossing her arms and shifting her gaze elsewhere as she did. She couldn’t watch him work without feeling guilt ring out through her body.

When he was finally done, he stepped back with a triumphant glow about him. Turning around to face Hilda, he had a large grin across his face.

“Alright!” he cheered. Though when he saw _ her _face, the smile was wiped off and replaced with concern. “Is everything okay, Hilda?”

“Huh?” She was snapped out of her stupor. She quickly slipped on an apologetic grin as she responded: “Yeah, everything is fine! Don’t worry!”

“Hmm… if you say so,” he shrugged. “While the light’s still up, we should start setting up a fire.” 

“R-right. I can go gather some stuff for it, if you want.”

“Yeah, that’d be great!” he grinned. “I’ll set up some tents, and maybe go do some hunting.”

“Hunting? Didn’t we pack any extra food?”

“Oh, well, about that…” Raphael rubbed his neck sheepishly. “I… _ may _ have munched on some food while we were riding. And, uhm, we _ may _ or may not have anymore.”

“Raphael!” Hilda practically shrieked, though it didn’t seem to have any affect on him. “What are we supposed to do now?”

“…Hunt?”

*

Lost in thought by the crackling fire, Hilda clutched her legs tight against her chest. Somehow, the fire didn’t feel as hot as it should’ve to her, even though she was closer to it than any normal person would be. Picking at her boots was all she could do to evade the thoughts that wanted to enter her mind whenever she was alone.

It wasn’t of any use though.

Her conscience kept reminding her of her guilt. Reminding her that ignoring Raphael was wrong, especially since he’s been so kind regarding her attitude. He even set up most of the camp and cared for the horses while she sulked around avoiding him. The thought just made her squeeze her legs even closer to her chest.

Maybe she’d apologize when he got back? Maybe she’d try to talk to him, and rekindle what friendship they’d had? It was all a tad bit too… sudden for her. She wasn’t sure if she’d like to hear the details of what he’d been doing while he was gone, nor did she feel she had the heart to talk about what she’d been doing these past few years.

It was… embarrassing, to say the least. 

Sighing, she rest her chin atop her arms, gazing longingly into the burning fire. _ Maybe, just maybe. _If she waited any longer, wouldn’t it all be for nothing?

*

_ Shuck. Shuck. Shuck. _ His knife seemed to glide through the skin of the bear as he worked to clean it. Hilda watched with careful eyes, trying to still her breathing at the thought of eating a bear; it’d be a first for her. Shivering at the thought, she stood up.

“Raphael,” she started, “I’m sorry.”

“Sorry?” he asked, stopping his knife mid-cut. “For what?” he laughed.

Hilda picked at her nails while she spoke. “I don’t know… I just feel bad for ignoring you this whole time. You set up the camp, and everything, after all. While I just sat back and watched.”

Raphael titled his head in confusion at her. “Okay and? You got the sticks and stuff, didn't you?”

“Yeah, but...!” she was taken aback. “W-well, I just feel guilty. You did _way _more than _I_ did.”

He shook his head with a smile as he went back to skinning. “Don’t feel guilty! I did all that because I wanted to! It isn't very gentlemanly of me to let you do the heavy lifting!”

“Still,” she pouted, falling to the ground again. Dejectedly, she continued, “You’d think I would’ve grown during these past few years, right?”

“Well, I guess? But that shop you run… Fódlan’s Locket, right? That can’t be easy. As far as I’m concerned,” he said as he took off the last bit of skin, lifting the bear up on his shoulders, “I’d say you’ve grown a lot, Hilda.”

“You’re just saying that.”

“No, I’m serious!” he exclaimed as he set the bear over the fire to cook. “You’re the only one who doesn’t see it though.”

“I…” she shut her mouth. “…You’re wrong,” she whispered. 

“Hmm?” 

She shook her head. “It’s just that… you’re wrong, Raphael. I’m not the only one who doesn’t see it.”

“Well, that’s a lie. And you know it.” Raphael moved away from the fire briefly to sit next to Hilda. “Is something up? You don’t normally talk like that.”

“Well…” He had an expectant look on his face, with his cheeks sucked in as he watched her. _ Maybe I shouldn’t. _ “…Actually, neverm—”

“Hilda, whatever it is, I’m willing to listen.” He gave her a reassuring smile as he got up to turn the bear. “I’m always here for you, whenever you need me.”

_ Maybe I should. _ “Well, if you insist…” she said, trying to sound reluctant, when in actuality, she was glad— relieved. She finally had someone to talk to about how she was feeling. _ No more waiting. _ “So, uh, you know how I had that… crush?”

“On Claude?”

“Yeah…” she drew out with disgust, “that one. Well, get this…” Hilda scrunched her face trying to stop tears from coming through, as she continued to speak with a strained voice. “I, um, may have misread things? And, well, he’s marrying… the Professor?”

He sucked in a breath. “Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you… okay? I know how much he, uh, meant to you.” 

_ Say yes. Say yes. _ “Not right now, no,” she said, wiping away some stray tears with the back of her hand. She tried to force a smile on her face. “I will be soon though. I’ll get over it, just like I always do.”

“…Are you sure you should be going to see Marianne and Lorenz right now? Considering…” he trailed off. 

“Honestly, I don’t know.”

Raphael poked at the bear with a stick. Gently, he said, “You don’t have to go through it alone. If anything happens, and you need someone, I’ll be there for you. Like I've always been.”

“Thanks, Raphael. You’ve always been such a great friend to me,” she sniffed. “I’ve just been feeling really awful lately and…” Tears forming at the corner of her eyes fell harder as she began to lose her composure. It was becoming clear that she was struggling. "And..."

“…Do you want a hug, or something?”

“Please,” she begged. Hilda jumped onto him before he could react, sending them stumbling to the ground; the stick flew out of his hands. She didn’t seem to notice, though, as she latched onto his torso, wrapping around tightly and grasping fistfuls of the back of his shirt, as if she never wanted to let go. Feeling her silent hiccups against his chest made a somber look spread across his face. 

With one arm, Raphael kept them steady against the forest floor. Leaves were crunching below his palm. His other arm rested gently around her shoulders, clutching her softly against himself, trying to protect the sobbing girl the best he could. He softly hummed as he cradled her in his arms. They’d laid in that position for some time, waiting for Hilda’s breathing to even out as the fire continued to crackle; the sun setting even lower into the horizon.

*

“Is it always supposed to be this… crunchy?” Hilda asked, eyeing the bear kebab with suspicion. She scraped at the meat with her nail, a crust peeling off as she did, to her surprise. 

“I might’ve overcooked it a little, but it should still be good!” Raphael said, grinning as he bit a huge chunk out of the meat. A dribble of juice dripped out from the corners of his mouth, spilling down his chin. Nodding, he wiped the drop off with the back of his hand. “Oh yeah! That’s the _ stuff_, alright!” He frowned upon seeing that Hilda hadn’t even touched her food yet. “C’mon, Hilda! You haven’t even taken a bite of it yet!”

“Well, yeah. It’s just… not my taste?”

“We can’t just waste food like that though…" he frowned. "Oh well, more for me!” Without hesitation, he plucked up a handful of kebabs, gobbling down kebab after kebab while she still held the first one.

“Oh my stars…” she whispered in awe. It was a miracle he hadn’t choked yet. Watching him eat so simply with joy like that only reminded her of her own hunger, which she still had yet to sate. Glancing at the meat stick in her hand that was getting colder by the minute, she decided to take a reluctant bite out of it. Her teeth pinched the smallest piece of the meat, trying to rip into it, to no avail. She even pulled at the stick, trying to use force to tear the meat apart. But no matter how hard she tried, the bear meat wouldn’t budge.

“Ergh… a little help here?” she said through clenched teeth. It wasn’t like she could let go anyways though; somehow she’d gotten stuck?!

Raphael swallowed a chunk of meat before speaking. “Huh? You’re having trouble?”

“A… little?”

He chuckled heartily. “Here, lemme help. Make sure you hold on tight!”

_ Hold on tight?! _ Without warning, he pulled the stick as hard as he could, making Hilda jolt forward along with it. She yelped in her throat as the kebab was ripped from her hands and… her teeth! The meat that she’d sunk her teeth so deeply in, finally came loose into her mouth with that tug, albeit… small. The piece was… 

“Ow!” she exclaimed, rubbing her mouth. “Wasn’t there a better way to do that?”

“Oh, whoops. Sorry, Hilda,” he said sheepishly, kebab in hand.

“Hmm…” she played with the piece, twirling it all around her mouth with her tongue, getting a taste for the texture and the feeling. It felt… greasy, that’s for sure, but there was certain graininess that was intriguing as well. While she wasn’t a fan of the toughness of the meat, it was safe to say… 

“I like it.”

His eyes widened in surprise, or was it excitement? “You do?” 

“Yeah,” she smiled, “I liked it.”

“I’m glad!” Raphael cheered. “Though, I _ did _ kinda forget; bear meat is kinda hard to eat if it’s your first time.”

“Yeah, I can see that. Maybe you could… cut it up a bit smaller next time?”

“Next time will be better for sure! It won’t be burned, unless you like it like that too?”

She shook her head, grinning even wider. “No, I think I’d like to try it a whole _ lot _ of different ways. Maybe in a stew?”

“Stew it is!” he chuckled, holding his belt. She giggled along with him, feeling as light as a pegasus's feather.

*

Though the kebab had long since gone cold, it still felt… 

_ What is this? This warmth? _ Hilda clutched her heart, feeling it beat stronger than it had in months. She laughed even harder, itching to feel that warmth engulf every part of her body, if even for a second longer. Through her core, moving past her torso and into her arms and legs, tingling deep into her fingers and toes; she wanted to feel it more. _ More. I want more. I want— _

“It’s getting too late,” Raphael interrupted, squinting up at the azure moon in the sky with a sigh. “I’m gonna head to bed, Hilda.”

“Already?” she pouted; the warm feeling dissipated in an instant, being replaced with disappointment.

“I’m really knocked out! I’ll wake you up tomorrow morning,” he grinned. “And we’ll get there soon for sure. Probably by tomorrow!” He rested a hand on her shoulder briefly as he moved past her. “Eat up and get a good night’s rest!”

“Don’t worry, I will.”

*

The one thing she always hated about camping was how uncomfortable sleeping was. Either too hot or too cold, bugs or bears. No matter how many times she’d sweep underneath the tent, there were always a few stray rocks poking her as she laid her head down to rest. It bugged the hell out of her. Yet that night, Hilda didn’t seem to notice the splintering pebbles stabbing her back. All that was filling her mind was the first warmth she’d felt in months.

Of course a great friend would be the one to bring it out of her.

To make her feel alive again.

Fluttering her eyes shut, the memory of that warmth engulfed her dreams. Strange to say it, but, she felt as if… she’d have the best rest of her life right now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two uploads? In the same month? Who am I???
> 
> Somehow, even though school's started, I have a bit more freetime than I usually do. :P
> 
> Now you may be wondering "Whoa! An update? But I thought you said you were getting demotivated??" That *was* true, but thanks to some nice and lovely and motivating comments, I'm back bb >:D! I'm gonna write this fic to the end! Now that I have a clear idea of what I want, it'll be *way* easier now! I hope that you can continue to support my works! ^^
> 
> Leave comment/kudos if you liked, really makes my day and makes me feel as if this fic is *worth* writing (I have a lot of stuff I have on the back-burners that I wanna work on too, but they're mostly one shots so they can wait! :P)
> 
> Anyways as always...
> 
> ESSAYONS!


	9. Rose-Scented

_ Are you going to explode? _

_ Out of happiness, or frustration _

_ Or is it love? _

_ Flying sparks of emotions, _

_ Singeing and destroying every thing, _

_ Unless you’re happy, happy, happy. _

_ Let me rephrase that. It’s not a matter of if, _

_ Rather, when. _

_ When are you going to explode? _

_ Your body’s a ticking time bomb, _

_ Waiting to be set off at any time! _

_ The moment you can’t keep it in anymore… _

_ That’s the moment of your true despair. _

_ You’ll lose everyone in a single tick of the clock’s hand. _

_ The absolute ecstasy I’ll feel seeing you suffer… _

_ I can’t imagine how pleasurable the sensation would be! _

_ I’d be a quivering mess, but then again, I suppose _

_ So would you. Oh well, _

_ Don’t keep me waiting, my dear! Do it! Explode! _

_ When are you going to explode?! _

*

She’d remembered feeling shocked— maybe a tad bit more than shocked— when she first saw what Raphael had called a “necklace.” First of all, it was carved from wood! Wood! And he was planning on attaching boar tusks and wolf fangs to it, too! Now, all that would have been fine, if he was making that… jewelry for himself. Yet when he said this was for his sister— a birthday gift no less— well, that was just about the breaking point.

Surely, no one was _ that _ dense to make such a… _ unique _ accessory as a gift for a girl. And yet, there he was. Completely oblivious. Continuing on as if this wasn’t a problem. She remembered sighing, shutting her eyes in intense contemplation as he rambled on without a care in the world. The thought bounced back and forth within her mind, of whether or not she should help the poor sap with his gift. Ultimately, pity overtook her and she offered— surprisingly enough— to aid him with the necklace. The brightening gleam in his eyes almost made her nauseous, and she was quick to correct herself: she would only be giving him pointers; nothing that required too much work. That seemed to be enough for him, and as soon as the last word had slipped out of her mouth, he’d vanished into a cloud of dust to gather the materials she’d mentioned.

His determination was definitely something, she’d thought. Running all the way to Fódlan’s Throat like that; it was mad! It reminded her too much of her own brother, and his own recklessness when it came to her. It was too close for comfort, and yet… she still found herself looking forward to what he’d do with her advice.

Days later, he was back at her front step, carrying a large crate filled with an assortment of shimmering gems that made her breath hitch in her throat. They were the perfect materials for a _ beautiful _ necklace. But the flower. He’d gotten that flower from Fódlan’s Throat, to her astonishment. He’d gotten many of them, but found that the majority were wilting. That sullen look he wore didn’t suit him well.

“Oh, all right. Looks like it’s Hilda to the rescue! I’ll take it from here.”

She could’ve sworn she heard her ribs crack with the overly-powerful bear hug he gave her as thanks. And that was the start of it all. She’d told him it was okay to just wait while she worked her magic, but he insisted on watching, being there to see the process and, hopefully, learn the craft. She’d admit, it was a nice change of pace to have support like this. To have someone… _ admire _ her skills. It didn’t feel useless. 

*

Trotting along on their horses, side by side, the two had set out early. It was Raphael who had suggested that they leave before dawn broke to ensure they could get some good distance while it was still cool out. While she did grumble at first, she couldn’t argue; he had a point. Being in the heat for an entire day was just going to be _ awful _ for her hair. They’d made some decent progress, and the day was going as planned. That was at least until the sun had risen high up into the sky, its rays beaming brightly from above. 

“Shoot, is it hot out here or what?” Raphael tugged at his shirt, fanning air into it as he panted. 

“Well,” Hilda wiped her brow with the back of her gloved hand, “it _ is _ the Blue Sea Moon. I don’t know what else we were expecting.”

“I woulda thought it’d be cooler around these parts though. Don’t the Faerghus winds usually blow down here?”

“No way,” she lamented. “We’re lucky if we even get a slight breeze during this season.”

“Man… so you’re telling me it’ll be like this for a while?”

“Uh-huh.”

He simply groaned, slouching in his saddle. “Man…”

“Come on, it’s not _ that _ bad.” 

“I’m just not that used to it, is all. Where I’m from, it’s _ never _ this hot.”

“You must be from up near Daphnel, huh?”

Straightening up, Raphael chuckled heartily. “That easy to tell?”

“A little,” she smiled. “I hear that since it’s so close to Faerghus, it’s usually cold year-round.”

“Yeah, it is! I think it’s really nice too, even _ better _ during winter!”

“I’m sure there’s some fun stories with that, right?”

“Oh yeah! Maya and I’d play outside all the time with some of the other merchant’s kids and when we’d get back inside, our parents had a nice cup of hot chocolate for each of us! Those times were the best!”

For some reason, whenever Maya or Raphael mentioned their long-deceased parents, she couldn’t help but freeze up. “Uh… Your parents seemed like kind people, Raphael,” Hilda mumbled awkwardly, unsure if it was appropriate to say. “At least from what I’ve heard!” she quickly blurted out.

“Yeah, they were!” he cheered. “It was hard at first without them, but I’m sure they’re rooting for me, wherever they are! They’ve gotta be!”

“Yeah…” she murmured, then with more confidence, she exclaimed, “Yeah! I’m sure they are!” 

Raphael flashed her a big, old grin. “For sure!”

With the air cleared, she felt comfortable enough to giggle from behind her hand. “I’ve always wondered though… how’d you end up sandwiched between Gloucester and Goneril if you came from Daphnel?”

He rubbed his neck proudly. “Well, I just sold our land up in Daphnel. Grandpa was down there already, so me and Maya moved in with him after our parents died.”

“You… sold it? Just like that?”

“Yep! Grandpa was kinda confused at first, but he came around once he realized I can’t use numbers all that well, and he told me to become a knight instead because of that, so… Here I am!”

“Hm,” she smiled politely, “I see.” She paused, shifting in her saddle calmly. “You’ve been living down here for a while right so…” Hilda tapped a finger under her chin. “Wait, let me guess; you aren’t used to the weather down here yet?”

“Not at all!” he grinned. “I never got the chance to. With the money I got from selling our property, Grandpa enrolled me into the Officers’ Academy, and the rest is history.”

“The monastery _ did _ get pretty cold sometimes… so I guess I don’t blame you for being unfamiliar with the weather.”

“I’m adjusting well, though! Soon the heat’ll be nothing!” Raphael released a rein, flexing his bicep triumphantly. “It’s nothing the Beast of Leicester can’t handle!”

“‘Beast of Leicester’?” She coughed, trying to stifle a laugh. “You’re really gonna let people call you that?”

“Well,” he shrugged, “at first I was offended, but Maya told me it sounded tough, so I just went with it.” He laughed heartily. “It’s not as bad as it could be.” _ Huh. _ Hilda couldn’t help but laugh with him. It was silly that a single word made him feel confident about the name, but then again. It was his _ sister’s _ word. And knowing Maya, she wouldn’t be lying.

_ ‘It’s not as bad as it could be.’ _ He really _ was _ a simple man. “Now that you mention it,” she giggled, “it fits you _ perfectly _ . You’re strong and you're tough, and I _ love _ that.” 

“Huh?” Raphael blinked in surprise. “Oh, uh… t-thanks, Hilda. That… means a lot!”

*

Hilda was almost frightened out of her saddle as the trumpets began blaring in fanfare, as petals of all colors fell down from above. It was as if the two of them were strolling over a red carpet leading to the Gloucester Manor. She’d forgotten that _ this _ was how esteemed guests were greeted by the nobility. Cheering crowds lined the road. Man. Woman. Young. Old. They were all there, cheering high into the sky.

“Leicester! Beast!” “Leicester! Beast!” “Leicester! Beast!” “Leicester! Beast!”

Raphael smiled sheepishly, waving as he rode past, with Hilda at his side. _ Leicester Beast? They must mean… _

He tapped her on the shoulder. Sidling close to her, he spoke in a hushed tone. “Geez, what’s this all about? Shouldn’t they be cheering for you too?”

“I… I’m not too sure.” _ Why aren’t they? _ With an insincere smile on her face, she offered, “Why are you so surprised though, aren’t you famous all over? I’m sure these are just your fans! Besides, I don’t have a cool nickname like you for people to cheer for!”

“Fans, huh?” He scratched his chin, unsure. “I don’t know, Hilda. I knew I had fans, but I didn’t know it was _ this _ many! The whole place is practically here!”

She shoved his shoulder playfully with her hand. “Oh come on, big guy! Take it with pride; it’s not everyday where you can pull a crowd like this! Take it in, why don’t you?”

“Huh, I guess you’re right, Hilda! If I’ve got all these fans, I can’t keep ‘em waiting, now can I?”

“That’s the spirit!” she giggled, patting him on the back. “Now, ride up there tall and proud!” She took two of her fingers, stretching them over her mouth in a smile. “Don’t forget to smile and wave!”

“But, I can’t leave without you… Lorenz and Marianne are expecting _ both _ of us, right?”

“It’s fine, it’s fine!” She abruptly halted, allowing Raphael to get some distance from her. He turned his horse around to face her, a desperate look on his face. She waved him off. Cupping her hands over her mouth, she shouted, “Go on! I gotta get some stuff anyways before I arrive!”

_ It was okay. _ There weren’t any options now. With a reluctant nod, he steered back off, following the cheers of the crowd, and the trail of petals they’d showered to the floor. Sighing, she looked down at the reins in her hands. Clutched tightly within her fingers. Shaking. Her face scrunched up, frustrated. 

The farther and farther away he got, the more the crowd diminished. Their shouting— their excitement— faded with the time. Their fortunate glimpse at a hero, the rush from it, was disappearing. Eventually, all eyes turned to her. Confusion. Disgust. Blatant disinterest. That was all she felt from them.

“What’s she doing?” “Who’s that?” “Ugh, drama queen.” “Hey, wanna get out of here?” 

“They’ve really… forgotten all about me, huh?” She muttered to herself, her grip on the reins tightening, “I’m a hero too, though! How can that… be? That’s—”

The air around her swirled with _ boos _ . She looked up like a lost deer in the wrong forest. “Wait, what?” She looked around at the crowd— more like a children’s playdate at this point— with fear in her eyes. And yet, she didn’t see anyone. No one booing, hell, no one was even _ watching _ ; with the excitement dead in the water, they’d all gone back to their average lives. _ It was all in my head? _

“Dammit,” she cursed, “I have _ got _ to get it together!” She slapped her hands over her cheeks. It stung, but at least her blood was flowing. _ Dingg. Dongg. _ She rode forward, false confidence over-taking her, even while the belltower tolled.

*

She wasn’t lying when she said she needed to buy things. She needed a gift for the baby, after all. Or, at least materials to make _ something, _ like a bangle or bracelet. A necklace maybe? It had to be something the kid could wear, and every time they touched it or looked at it, they’d fondly remember their dear Auntie Hilda. Though, there was one problem. The letter hadn’t mentioned whether the baby was a boy or a girl. 

It was a shame too. There were so many beautiful gems everywhere: ceruleans, indigos, pinks, lavenders, crimsons, you name it. Too bad most of the ones that caught her eye weren’t gender neutral. Sighing, she placed her shopping basket on the counter.

“These ones please.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

Walking out with the stones in a complementary pouch, she saddled up again. “Guess it’s now or never.” She bucked the horse forward, lurching on to their perched manor. “I hope these colors are fine.”

*

Hilda hadn’t taken even one step onto the estate, before she was practically swept off her feet by a whirlwind of doting servants.

“Let me get that for you!” “Allow me, miss!” “This way!”

In a matter of seconds, she’d had all her luggage stripped off of her and tucked away in some room— her guest room. She looked all around. The servants were gone as quickly as they came.

“Huh, wait a second! What’s—” It was like she’d gotten the air knocked out of her. She couldn’t help but take a few steps back for balance. Something was squeezing the living daylights out of her.

“Oh, Hilda! You’re here!” a blue-haired woman gushed, her arms wrapped tightly around Hilda’s torso. She was frozen in silent shock, still struggling to realize what had happened.

She glanced to her side. Those two braids that wrapped into a wreath told her everything that she needed to know. “M-Marianne!” she exclaimed, hugging her back. They rocked from one foot to another, simply savoring one another's embrace. After some time, the two released one another, giggling.

“I’m so glad you’re here! I was waiting out here the whole day because I just had a _ feeling _ you’d come up today!” Marianne smiled, as she held Hilda’s hands in her own.

“Huh, really?” Hilda blinked. “You didn’t wait that long, did you?”

“Not really. But forget about that, let’s go inside!” By the hand, Marianne led Hilda into the grand interior of the Gloucester House.

*

“I apologize that Lorenz wasn’t able to come out and greet you,” Marianne explained while leading Hilda through some halls. “He said he had wanted to ask the servants something.”

“Oh, I see. That’s _ totally _ fine with me,” Hilda coughed out. _ Way better than I could have hoped for actually. _

“He’ll probably greet you sometime soon, though.” she giggled sweetly. The thought made her stomach stir uncomfortably. Hilda tried to focus on a different thought all together. If she could just steer the conversation somewhere else… 

“Right…” she grumbled. “A-anyways,” she blinked, “I actually brought along a gift for you. Since I haven’t been able to send you any of my accessories recently, I figured, ‘Hey, what the heck,’ I’ll just bring you one in-person this time!”

Marianne gasped, pleasantly surprised. “Really? Oh, Hilda, you’re so kind! You know how much I absolutely adore your jewelry. ”

“It’s with my luggage, so if it’s not too much of a problem, could we stop by my room? I really can’t wait any longer to give it to you.”

“Of course!” She paused suddenly, turning to stare at Hilda with silent eyes. She said nothing, instead squeezing her hand once and then letting it go. A tense air rose, boring into her.

“Uh, Marianne?” The intensity of her eyes was making Hilda a little worried. “Is there something wrong?”

“Hilda,” she began, soft and hushed— almost reminiscent of how she used to be— as small tears pricked her eyes, “I’m _ really _ glad that you’re here. I’ve wanted to see you recently, but I wasn’t able to go anywhere while I was pregnant; Lorenz forbade it. So, it really means a lot to me, that you’re here with me now.” 

“Where’s all _ this _ coming from all of a sudden?” Hilda tittered uncomfortably.

“I just needed you to know.” Marianne rubbed at her eyes, trying to stop her tears from falling. “You haven’t written in so long, and I was starting to get worried about you.”

“H-Hey, Marianne, don’t cry!” Hilda scrambled to comfort her, patting her on the back awkwardly. “I’m fine, see?” She flashed her a big grin, prompting Marianne to look up with a tear-stained face. “Don’t worry so much, I’ve just been swamped with the shop lately because of the sudden attention it’s been getting.” Mumbling, she added, “I’ll make it a point to write more often, so please don’t cry anymore.”

“Really? Well, I-I’m so glad your shop’s been doing well, Hilda.” she sniffed. “Just please. Don’t overwork yourself.” 

“Of course.” Hilda eyed her tenderly. Extending a hand out to Marianne once more, she giggled. “Oh come on, stop being so emotional! Let’s go and get your gift already!”

With a sheepish smile, Marianne held Hilda’s hand once more. “I’m sorry, you’re right. Let’s go, then.” 

Outwardly, Hilda smiled. _ Marianne was truly worried about little old me. _ But the thought only made her more cautious. More concerned. _ Is it really that obvious? _ She’d have to do a better job pretending next time. 

*

Marianne held the golden brooch to heart; it was an intricate design, somehow utilizing two horses to form an uneven heart, with a sky blue gem placed meticulously between their butting heads. 

“What do you think, Marianne? I _ know _ , it may not be my _ best _ work but—”

“Oh, Hilda, it’s perfect!” Marianne gasped, twirling around the room in glee. “I think I’ll wear this everyday!”

“R-really?” Hilda brightened up at that. “To be honest, I wasn’t sure if the choice to make the heart uneven was smart, but seeing you like this… makes me so happy.”

Marianne wasted no time pinning the brooch to her cloak, caressing it gently. “It reminds me so much of Dorte.” Looking up at Hilda, she smiled sweetly with shut eyes. “Thank you.”

Hilda’s heart panged. _ She’s so cute! _ Flustered, she looked away. “It’s no problem, really. U-um, anyways,” she continued shakily, “I’m sorry I don’t have anything for the baby. I was planning on making something for… uh…”

“Her,” she giggled.

“Right! Her! I was going to make something for _ her _ during my stay to make up for it.” Hilda shrugged, but she was still grinning. “I think yellow, green, and brown should make _ something _ nice, don’t you think?”

“I think so. In your hands, anything becomes beautiful, Hilda.” Hilda struggled to not cough at that. The compliment was unexpected, to say the least. _ If she keeps this up, I might die from cuteness overload! _

“Y-yeah!” was all she could squeeze out. 

*

Even though Marianne had insisted that Hilda get some rest after having traveled for so long, she was adamant in at least seeing the baby for a few moments before retiring to bed. Reluctantly, but happily, Marianne escorted Hilda to her baby’s room.

Their heels clicked along through the empty halls as they made their way to the most secluded part of the manor, which was reserved for their family. Passing by door and door, at least until they reached the one at the very far end of the hall. The tapping was getting on her nerves though._ Conversation, start!_

“Is… being a mom hard, Marianne?” Hilda asked cautiously. “It seems like it would be.”

She giggled, a hand covering her mouth. “Yeah, sometimes. Though,” she held her hands close to her chest as if in prayer, “I can only imagine the beautiful young woman she’ll grow up to be someday. That’s the thought that keeps me going.”

“Really? That’s a _ long _ time from now, though.”

“I know,” Marianne sighed, “but I need to focus on _ something. _ Her crying gets to be too much at times.”

“Oh dear,” Hilda gasped, surprised. “Babies… babies _ cry _ ? Don’t tell me… _ you _ have to calm her down? All by yourself? She can't just stop crying by herself?”

“Yes…” Marianne giggled tiredly. “I can’t even sleep sometimes. Lorenz suggested that I let some wet nurses take care of her, but I can’t do that. It just feels… wrong? If that makes sense.”

“I think I can get it. Though,” Hilda exhaled exasperatedly, “being a parent sounds hard. I just have a feeling I’d be no good at it.”

Marianne shrugged nonchalantly. “You’ll never know unless you try.”

“Yeah, I suppose you’re right." She smiled softly, "I just have to find the right guy for the job first.”

“I’m sure you will, Hilda. People who pass you up are simply blind fools.” Marianne grinned. _ If only you knew. _

*

“Ah, here we are.” Marianne’s heels clicked to a stop as she stood before the door; painted pink, with a child-like nameplate scribbled onto the window. Turning to Hilda, she clapped her hands together. “Are you ready to meet her?”

“Of course, I am!” Hilda cheered. “She’s my first niece, after al—” Before Hilda could finish the the thought though, the door clicked open, from behind Marianne. A tall, purple-haired man walked out; he had a pompous stride, very telling of a noble. Hilda froze in place, her jaw falling slack.

“Huh?” Marianne turned around. “Oh, Lorenz!” She quickly latched onto the man, stepping onto her tippy-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. “There you are!”

It seemed as if Lorenz, too, was frozen. His eyes were locked with Hilda’s into what was _ almost _ a glare, but wasn’t at the same time. Hilda sucked in a breath. _ I can do this. _

“Hey, Lorenz,” she waved plainly. “Fancy meeting you here.”

He stepped forward bluntly, practically brushing Marianne off. “This _ is _ my manor.” He peered down at her coldly. The air, too, felt frigid.

“Hmm?” Marianne glanced between the two. “Is… something wrong?”

“Not at all,” the two said in unison, without breaking eye contact. 

She raised a skeptical eyebrow at them. Then, she gasped, “Oh, I see what this is!” She smiled that sweet smile of hers and waved goodbye to Hilda. “I’ll let you guys catch up. I’m going on ahead to Laura-Anne’s room, Hilda. Be sure to come in afterwards!”

Hilda cringed as Marianne strolled into the room, turning her back to her and shutting the door. _ This shouldn’t be a problem, _ she thought. _ I’m over this. _

“Why don’t we talk somewhere away from the baby’s room? I wouldn’t want her to cry,” Hilda offered.

“Very well.”

*

Once the two had moved a good seven feet from the door, they continued where they’d left off. His face reeked of stink; the distaste was emanating from it easily.

“That letter you wrote me. What is the meaning of it?” Lorenz demanded.

“What letter? I don’t remember sending such a thing,” Hilda denied coyly.

“Must I remind you of the contents? ‘A _ bastard _ such as yourself should be treating Marianne with the utmost respect,’ does that ring a bell? How about: ‘Please keep your foot fetish to yourself?’”

She scoffed, trying her best to remain composed. The urge to laugh right in his face was _ so _ tempting. “Oops, yeah. _ Totally _ forgot I wrote that!”

“Hmph.” He crossed his arms across his chest and looked off to the side adamantly. “I’ll have you know, I am no bastard; I am as pure a noble as can be, if my name isn't Lorenz Hellman Gloucester! And secondly, I do _ not _ have a foot fetish. Who told you that? _ Claude? _”

“Yeah, no,” she drew out sarcastically. “It’s as obvious as day, Lorenz,” she retorted, "with or without Claude's input."

“Dear Sothis, give me strength,” he sighed, placing his hand into his palm. “Please, tell me _ when _ you will get over this _ petty _grudge. It’s been four years, Hilda, when will you give it a rest?”

“‘Petty grudge,’ sure. It’s _ pretty _ obvious you have one too.”

“How so?” Lorenz scoffed. “I’m quite happy. I haven’t thought about you at all.”

“Oh, I’m sure of that,” Hilda giggled coldly, “but you can’t deny that reaction you had when you saw me. Even if I _hadn’t_ said what I said in that letter, you still would have done _ everything _in your power to avoid me.” 

“Do you want to talk, is that it? How many times do you want me to apologize?”

“It means nothing to me now. But,” she leaned forward, pulling him by the collar, taking him by surprise, “if I _ ever _ find out that you’ve treated her wrong in _ any _ way, you _ will _ answer to me. Do you get that?”

Lorenz gulped. Shakily, he tried to answer with the same authority he’d spoken in before. “Is that so?”

“She doesn’t know what you did, and I intend to keep it that way,” she snarled. “You can tell your beautiful lies, but if you tell those empty words to her, you’ll sorely regret it.”

“Ah, I see now.” He gripped her fist, making her jump in surprise. “Are you jealous? Jealous that I chose _ her _ over _ you? _”

Her eye twitched. _Let go_ _ . _ Hilda tightened her grip, making him yelp and drop his hand. “You heard me. I’d rather you hurt me, rather than her, you bastard. I’d take that any day. Over and over again, if it meant she’d be free of heartbreak.”

“T-then,” he stammered, “why are you still upset? Let bygones be bygones!”

“Hmph.” She released him with a shove. She turned her back to him coldly. “Because I see right through you, you fraud. I won’t stand by anymore and let you get away with making promises you can’t keep.” The glare she shot him made him grimace. He couldn't tell if it contained blood-lust or not.

“I think we’re done here.” She took a step towards the baby room, only to be stopped by a hand on her shoulder. She stiffened up, agitated. _ Don’t touch me. _

“Listen, I’ll repeat myself.” Softly, he declared, “I didn’t mean to hurt you, or lead you on. I honestly _ did _believe that I ‘loved’ you. I was wrong.” He sighed, shifting his gaze to the floor. “I should’ve told you sooner, rather than keeping it a secret. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Hilda shook. Out of anger. Out of confusion. Out of betrayal. “I just need you to tell me _one_ thing. Everything else doesn't matter."

"Very well."

"How long?”

“'How long?'”

“How long,” she mumbled, “did you know? That you didn’t love me.”

“I… I can’t say…” he opened his mouth, but couldn’t speak. His silence spoke volumes.

“So,” she muttered, “you’ve known since the beginning.”

“N-no, that’s—”

“I bet you’ve told lots of girls that you loved them. But you’ve always loved Marianne first.”

He gasped, astonished. “Well, that is to say…”

“I knew it,” she murmured flatly.

“Wait, let me explain!” he stammered. “I _ may _have loved her first, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t—”

“I’ve heard enough.” Hilda ripped his hand off from her shoulder. “You’re nothing but cheap words and fake roses.”

“Hilda…” Lorenz tried to reach out to her again, but she simply slapped his hand away.

“Don’t even think about touching me,” she seethed. “We’re done here.”

“I don’t believe that we ar—” He shouted out, lunging forward. Instead of grabbing Hilda by her broad shoulders, though, he grabbed a handful of _chiseled_ biceps.

“R-Raphael!" he whimpered, "How did you—”

Hilda swirled around at the name. Her eyes widened at the sight: Raphael was staring Lorenz down, shaking his head while he waited for Lorenz to retract his arm.

“Raphael,” Hilda exclaimed, “what are you doing?”

Raphael ignored her. “Lorenz,” he boomed, “just walk away for now. Now’s not the time for this.”

“Hmph.” Lorenz backed away, brushing his clothes off and running a hand through his mane of hair. “I suppose I will, for now.” Before he turned on his heel, however, he shot Hilda a meaningful glance; it was filled with all the emotions he could muster, both bad and good. It made her sick to her stomach. How could one look be so scornful but hopeful at the same time? 

“Goodbye, then.”

*

Raphael exhaled deeply as Lorenz walked far, far away from the baby’s room.

Turning to Hilda, he asked her, with concern lacing his voice. “You okay, Hilda?”

“Yes. I’m… a _little_ shaken, but thanks to you, I’m not a complete mess.” Hilda didn’t make any eye contact with him as she said that though.

“Well,” he started, “I don’t know what happened, but I’m glad I was able to step in. You looked to be in some trouble.”

“Thank you, Raphael,” she said sheepishly. She couldn’t utter anything else, though; her body was shivering. The interaction—altercation? — left her wondering. _Did I mess up?_ Her mind was clouded with similar thoughts. Panic. Panic. Panic!

Raphael stood there awkwardly. _ Think! _ “…Hey, wanna go see that baby together?” he tried. “I hear that she’s _ really _ cute! But then again... all babies are!” 

“Huh?" Her eyes cleared. "Y-yeah…” Hilda’s monotone fuzz seemed to clear up at the mention of the baby. Her usual cheeriness returned, full-force. “_Actually_, Marianne and I were coming down here to see her anyway.”

“Ooh, awesome!” he cheered. “Let’s go together!”

“O-okay…” Maybe it would help get her mind off things. That's what she hoped, at least.

*

Her nerves still were shot. She wasn't even really sure _what_ came over her, that she laid her hands on him and _threatened_ him in his own home. But... his audacity to… say those things. Wouldn't that warrant _some_ kind of action? Honestly, she should’ve known better than to trust someone like him. Self-centered. Selfish. Lazy. 'Once a noble, always a noble,' right? Maybe that applied to her too.

The thought itself disgusted her. Maybe the old Hilda would have smiled and giggled, and let it be like that, but she knew better now. Being a noble just... wasn't for her. If being noble meant she had to be stuck up, and care about 'the people,' you could count her out of that deal. It's one thing to claim to be 'for the people,' but it's another to live like them.

She smiled to herself. Maybe that was one thing that made her different than everyone else: she wasn't in their shoes anymore. Nor did she wish to be. Now _that_ thought... was one worth holding on to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So like, this chapter was gonna be *pretty* long, so I cut it. The stuff I cut out will be in the next chapter, so don't worry! 
> 
> Anyways, I hope I didn't keep you guys waiting for too long! May you enjoy this and look forward to the next part!
> 
> Leave a kudos/comment if you enjoyed, as it motivates me to keep creating! And as always, 
> 
> ESSAYONS!


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